Casting Imaginations Part 2

I mentioned in Part 1 that I don't really have the desire to get a tattoo. Then when my husband finally said he would think about it, I realized then I should probably think about what I wanted! ;)

There wasn't any doubt that all I wanted was a Bible verse reference. No pictures, no other words, just the reminder of the words that play such a big part in my life. I wanted the reference II Corinthians 10:5 written across my left inner forearm, from my wrist to my elbow, in scripted lettering.

My mind, like all minds, is a battlefield.  My battlefield is overloaded with the enemy: negative thoughts.  They group together and attack the most vulnerable parts of my life, beating me down until I retreat.

I lose, I give in, I comply.  

There have been several times in my life in which the enemy has captured me and taken complete control of my thoughts, resulting in actions that literally almost destroyed me.  In some instances, it destroyed whatever life I knew at those times, causing painful rebuildings.

You think after one time I would've learned to fight harder, but I am so vulnerable to this enemy of negative thinking that I continue to lose over and over again.

There came a point in my life a few years back, in which I finally began winning.  This verse, recited over and over again, hanging in printed word wherever I could see it, was my sword.  I knew I needed to cast down EVERY thought that wasn't godly.  I needed to have the mind of Christ, and that wasn't possible while letting the negative consistently win.  

I was finally ready to go to battle prepared to fight instead of retreat or surrender.  I needed to capture those negative thoughts and RETRAIN them into thoughts that were obedient to Christ.  Not an easy task, and one which required a constant vigil, teaching and changing negative into what Christ himself would approve of.

The last couple of years I finally, finally, was able to have more victories than losses.  Victories in some areas I never thought was possible.

Then I began to slip again.  I put my armor down, let my guard down, and the enemy began waking up and slowly taking control again...

March 10 on 10

I decided I just don't like pictures without explanations, so I'm going back to the way I used to do it. :)

Zane's new favorite play place.  As soon as he hears me open the dryer door to remove a load, 

he dives in. :)  It's delayed my laundry time quite a bit lately, but hey, it's worth it. :)

My morning project was laundry and switching out kids clothes.  Packing away the too small, unpacking the next size up.

No, I didn't stencil today.  I actually spent time cleaning and rearranging Ruby's room after moving Zane to Noah's room a couple of weeks ago.  There was no way I was going to post a picture of the disaster area in there, and since I didn't get finished, I thought the wall was pretty enough. ;)

After two CONSTANT weeks with my kiddos, mommy HAD to get out of the house.  We drove to a favorite farm market, which was a nice drive through the country (which mommy LOVES to do).

Letting them get some energy out and soak up some sun!

Noah found some 'tire' pasta at the farm market and was simply fascinated (yeah, my kids are deprived). So I went ahead and splurged on them and fixed spaghetti wheels for dinner. :)

Noah has recently gotten into Mario Kart, so he and I spent time racing while the youngest 

two were in the tub. 

Bath time! 

Their favorite bedtime snack! I usually spell out their names/ages, but we're down to the bottom of the bag.

My cutie pie as he was walking to his room for bedtime. :)

As a bonus, the BEST picture of the day!  while taking a pic of Ruby petting the pony, I actually captured it BITING her!!! :)  hahaha... don't worry, it didn't hurt her.  but she finally listened when I told her NOT to put her fingers in its mouth! ;)

See much better pics here from the originator of the monthly 10 on the 10th! :)

missing

there are some days in our lives we never forget.

some are good, like the birth of each of my children.  i remember each moment of labor and delivery, and each moment getting to know them those first few days.

i remember walking down the aisle with my dad.  seeing the look on my soon to be husband's face when the doors opened is a look i will never forget.  i don't remember all of the wedding, but there are certain parts of it that are engraved on my memory, hopefully forever.

then there are the sad days. days when time stood still and the world stopped.

one of those sad days was 7 years ago today.  the day i lost my dad.

there had been a snow storm the night before, which canceled school for both Bryan and myself that day.  we were enjoying piddling around the house that day, and had sat down that afternoon to watch a movie together.  then my sister called and the world stood still.

i remember every detail of those next few days.  songs on the radio. the sky in ohio, then michigan, then kentucky.  i remember the sunny warm day of the visitation, which turned into a blizzard during the funeral procession the next day. i remember the people who came.  the people who cried. the many people whose hearts were just as broken as mine.  my dad only had two daughters, but he had been a 'dad' to many more.

i remember the strength i had during those 4 days.  strength that only came from God Himself. my mom and sister (who was only 19) were basket cases.  many times my mom was distant and incoherent. aunt and uncles, who like most southerners always talking, were silenced. my dad's youngest sister lost it during the funeral, and i was the one who got her up.

i made decisions i thought i'd never have to make. what my dad should wear, how he should look in the casket, my sister and i putting on his socks and shoes in the casket for the last time (something we always did for him growing up).  when the visitation and funeral should be.  finding a cemetery and then the exact spot for his burial.  decisions no one in their 20's should ever have to make. but my mom could barely form a sentence most of those days.  decisions God helped me make, with clear answers from Him.

there weren't many tears from me those 4 days either.  some here and there... i was rarely alone, and when with others, i was the one who had to be strong.

but every night, i was able to steal away time and sit in the outside stairway of the one motel in the city.  i called my sweet friend, kristi, every night and spent at least an hour talking over things with her.  she let me ramble on and on about the decisions and difficulties i had had each day, she prayed with me, she encouraged me, she let me be weak.  i know i wouldn't have made it without her help.

seven years later, i sit bawling through this post.  i miss him.  and when i'm alone, i can be weak.  i don't know if i'll ever see him again.  so i cling to the memories i have of him, and to his characteristics God gave to each of my children.

i hope he would be proud of me.

Casting Imaginations Part 1

I am not a tattoo kind of person.  I've never really wanted one... well, kinda.  The bug hit me once a few years ago when it first became 'popular' in the Christian circle, but hubby said no way.  After begging him for about 4 years, he finally gave in and said yes.  Then I decided I didn't want one.

Yeah.  I'm like that. ;)

I have nothing against those who have tattoos either.  Hey, it's not my body, so who am I to say what they should or shouldn't do.  

Except those tacky, nasty, looks like homemade, tattoos.  just. say. no.

Tattoos carry a certain stigma with them.  The more you have, the 'badder' you are.  Or the more rebellious.  Or the more 'insert anything here that doesn't go with normal society'.  

whatever normal is.

I believe it's starting to change in the minds of the younger Christian generation (Christians seem to be the ones to have the most issues with it).  It's nice to see, and I love when a tattoo covered person proves to be more 'righteous' than the other.

My sister has a sweet friend by the name of Rachael.  When I thought of tattoos, she popped into my head first. I met her the day of my sister's wedding, a fellow bridesmaid.  Our dresses were strapless and personally, I thought she would look the best of us (not counting the bride of course!). :)

The other bridesmaids were making snide remarks behind her back concerning her appearance.  Not a surprise.  Not a surprise because of Rachael, but because these other girls weren't the 'nicest'.  I immediately befriended her, and learned she is THE SWEETEST thing in the world.  I fell in love with her and who she was.

 Here's a pic of MY fav tattoo she has. :)  I just love it. :)

She posts a lot on fb about how others see her appearance and judge her simply by that.  It breaks my heart, because if they talked to her for 2 seconds, they'd realize how amazing she is.  Not only is she sweet, but she is one of the hardest workers in her generation that I know of.  I don't think it really bothers her though.  She doesn't judge others and knows that those who do aren't worth wasting your time on.

OF COURSE I had to post a pic of her owl tattoo!! :)  it goes right with my blog. :)

I love her tattoos.  I tend to be the 'weird' person who actually stares and reads tattoos on people.  I like to see the art and professionalism and personality in them.  A part of who they are on the inside being displayed on the outside.  When people realize I'm not staring to be rude, they light up and enjoy sharing about the tattoo they chose to mark their bodies with forever.  (once again, not talking about the tacky, tasteless ones).

It's a personal decision.  When they're chosen, it's a constant reminder to that person of the reason they chose that specific design.  It's a reminder to focus on what is important to them.

A reminder to place their thoughts on a positive instead of a negative...

untouchable

There are places in my house that are untouchable.

Actually, that's not exactly the right word.  Let's try again...

There are places in my house that I completely ignore and want nothing to do with because the mess is so overwhelming.


That's more like it.

For example, the room I'm currently sitting in.  It's had several names throughout the years: dining room, family room, tv room, playroom, school room, computer room and that room off of the kitchen.  This room has ALWAYS irritated me, simply because it doesn't have a 'formal' name, so I don't know what to do with it.  Every year or two it gets changed again, but that doesn't help me not despise it.

Despite all of the name and function changes, the name it should always be called is horrible, disastrous, junk, cluttered, always messy, trip and kill yourself getting to the desktop room.

Not a joke.  Last year, I didn't even clean it when we had birthday parties here.  I detested it that much.

It's my number one embarrassment and the number one reason I don't have people over.  Okay, that and my insane children, and living room that looks like a toy bomb went off, and dishes always in the sink.


The other places I avoid are my kids bedrooms.

Noah's room problem is toys.  They have enough toys to donate to all the poor kids in Columbus, despite us BEGGING grandparents to please donate to their nonexistent college funds instead of buying more toys. 90% of all their toys fills his room.

I know, I know, just pitch or donate them.  NOT easy for a recovering pack rat to do.  However, this past year has seen some good progress in my toy pitching skills.

Ruby's room is lack of space.  A twin bed takes up half her room, which is why she is still in a toddler bed.  Good thing she's so small for her age! She shares her room with a little brother in a big crib, my sewing items (I haven't used in almost a year), a baby bassinet and other miscellaneous baby items, and a few storage bins.  I'm thankful I can at least walk in her room to put them to bed.

Over Christmas we visited Ikea and came up with some great ideas for Noah's room (hopefully soon to be the BOYS room) both for space, organization, and room to PLAY so they get out of my living room.


Of course it costs money, something we are greatly lacking in right now.  So it will just have to wait.  Which means Ruby's room will have to wait.  Which means, why even bother?

People keep telling us, 'oh no, you don't want a bigger house, it's just more to clean' and 'be thankful and content' and 'i'm sure you can find more space in your 1000 sq ft home'.  And my response to them is SHUT UP.

Okay, not really.  We are thankful we have a home.  There is ZERO space in this house left for anything. sorry. It's just not there.  and honestly, a bigger house would be EASIER to clean. That sounds nuts, but the way I see it, there would be a proper space for every item.  There would be proper storage for boxes containing holiday items and children's outgrown/soon to grow into clothes.  A place for kids to play that isn't the living room or their bedrooms where the toys could be organized and out of the way, and if left down wouldn't kill someone walking through.

I could keep going, because lately I dream of what I would do with even a little more space...  and dreaming isn't so bad...

The more I dream, the more I've been praying that God will drop the perfect house on us just like the one that fell on the wicked witch.  Okay, maybe not that exact house, but you get the idea.

Before it was just a dream, now it's a prayer.

Along with asking for contentment while we're still in this little house...  ;)

attempted

After my post yesterday, I felt heavy guilt for several hours until I finally got a piece of paper and a pen and scribbled down some goals for the year.  At first I honestly just wrote whatever, with little commitment in my head.  and then I scribbled some.

no, literally, I have little scribbled patterns all over the paper... :)

I listed a few under physical, spiritual, and financial, with only family left that I'd like to set goals.  Then I went back and scratched out and revised with more honest intentions.

The guilt finally died down after I finished putting a little more meaning into it.

There is just so much awry right now that I'm overwhelmed and not in the mood to set goals I perceive I will fail at.  Pessimism at it's best.

Today I ran across a guest post on www.moneysavingmom.com and I was encouraged by the first part of the post.  Then she started talking about budgets and personally lost the momentum she had going.  This paragraph caught my attention:

"Amidst the meal planning, dishes, work schedules, cleaning up of spills, errands, and laundry, we are real women with real needs–spiritually, physically, and emotionally. If these areas are being neglected in our lives, it affects us as woman and those around us."


How true... and then I realized, if I don't take the time to put the EFFORT into planning for these areas in my life, then it will never happen.  It will get looked over and ignored, and I will find myself where I am now: exhausted, behind, overwhelmed, discouraged, and lacking in joy.  (i can't figure out why this highlighted or how to remove it.  oh well.. )


So I need to revisit my scribble marked goal sheet and make it a little more meaningful so the results are seen soon and encouraging.

We'll see...

A ~enter upbeat adjective here~ New Year

I've had this post floating around in my head for over two weeks, yet haven't had access to a computer to actually be able to type it out.  Irritating.  Especially when my blogging has become nonexistent recently.

Today is January First, and I had hoped to have this up before today, but better late than never.  Great way to start the new year, huh?

Since the beginning of December I've been plagued with many friends' ideas for the new year.  Not necessarily resolutions, since that seems to be a negative term anymore, but challenges and goals they have set for themselves and in some cases invited others to join them.

I am a strong believer in accountability and I'm excited to see these invitations because they come attached with a silent accountability backup.  This allows for both success and failure to be shared and not hidden, so that encouragement can be given for both.  It's wonderful to see how independent walls are breaking down and that we no longer have to feel and act like we're the perfect  person we think others expect.  We can actually be real, which then allows for our improvement in every area of life.  I'm excited to see the growth in those friends in my life whom I strongly care about.

Now ask me how many I've signed up for, or how many goals I've set for myself for this new year, and you'll be disappointed in my answer, especially after praising it highly in the last paragraph.

Yep, the answer is ZERO.

I've never been a January 1st resolution maker.  I think they are often pointless and I want to remember that I can set a challenge or goal anytime of the year, not just the first day of the new year.  However, like I mentioned above, the idea of resolutions is changing from it's old ways, and becoming a jumping off place for more goals and challenges later throughout the year.  Short term goals are wonderful because it allows for improvement that can be seen, and encourage the start of another short term goal, which continues the cycle of improvement.  Much better than a full year goal that can be daunting to start which breeds contempt and failure with the first few weeks.

Last year was the first time I've set a yearly goal on January first, and it was to not shop at Gymboree at all for the entire year.  Some of you are scoffing, but I had become addicted to Gymboree and the fact that I knew how to play their 'game' so to speak and was able to dress my kids cheaper than shopping at Walmart.  I loved the fact that my intelligence outsmarted theirs and the prize was adorable outfits with a gazillion matching accessories for my kids, especially for Ruby. But with our financial situation getting worse instead of better, I set this goal as a 'small' way I could help reduce costs for us for the year.  Despite all the coupons and opportunities I had, I was able to be successful at not purchasing one single item from them in 2011.  In fact, the only thing I did purchase for the kids from anywhere the entire year were shoes for Ruby, and only after she had nothing left to wear but her brother's black dress shoes...

I'm sure you're wondering what's stopping me from setting any goals this year after coming off my success from the previous year...  Well... you're going to have to keep wondering because I don't have an answer for you.

I have no desire to make any commitments of any kind right now, and it's been plaguing me since the first of my friends brought it up in early December.  I have no desire at all... not for physical, spiritual, financial, family,... nothing.

It's not because I don't see a need for improvement.  In fact the opposite is true... there is such a great need for improvement in every area of my life that it is overwhelming right now... Which is one reason I think short term goals are wonderful.

I also haven't actually sat down and thought about it.  Ideas have floated through my head, but I haven't taken the time to write them down, or even stop and think on them for more than a few seconds.  I'm sure if I at least did that, I could come up with one or two not so overwhelming short term goals for myself.

I need to have goals.  We all do.  Right now at this specific time in my life, I should have goals.  I need them in order to do more than just survive.

Despite the depressed mood this post is displaying, I'm not trying to discourage anyone from setting goals.  In fact, I am strongly encouraging you to do so!  I have a few fellow bloggers who have posted challenges and asked for people to join them, and I encourage you to check them out and participate! Amy has a great Bible reading challenge on her blog here, and Miranda has three challenges on her blog here in the areas of finances, fitness and spiritual.

There are a few personal reasons to why I'm not feeling the desires to start a challenge, and perhaps when some of those are taken care of I can then set or join a challenge myself.  It doesn't have to be January 1st.  Any time is a good time to start a challenge and set a goal that allows for improvement in our lives.

I will update if or when I decide to jump in on a challenge to improve something in my life.  I'd love to hear about your goals, long or short term! You can do it!