Money Saving Heroine

I've been following Crystal @ moneysavingmom.com for four years and have been encouraged many times by her posts and love her advice!

She just finished her very first book and it will be released in January 2012!  You can preorder her book at a special price right now on Amazon!

Check out her book and check out her blog! You will fall in love with her soon enough too! ;)

November 10 on 10

I woke up with intense motivation to thoroughly clean.  

My apologies to those of you who think chemical bleach is of the devil. ;)

Cut and Paste day in Kindergarten.  ha.

Lunch. 

Afternoon reading.  SO VERY PROUD of how well he's doing! :)

Building time. 

 I make them do something constructive while I read our chapter books to them. 

I HAD to get out of the house.  The oldest two and I ran to a friend's house for a few minutes.

I changed our dinner menu last minute to tacos.  After browning the beef I realized I had no taco seasoning packets. Since I've been putting off making my own for a very long time, I decided it was a good time to give it a whirl. :)  turned out fantastic!

What I found when I pulled out my pan for brownies.  

That's my daughter for ya...

Gluten Free Brownies!  YUM!

what happens when little monkey escapes to the couch with crumbly brownie. ;) 

good thing he's so darn cute!

That's it!  Ten Pictures on the Tenth of November to summarize my day. :) Join us!

Go here to see other bloggers 10 on 10! :)

unfinished

I've sat down every night this week and started a blog post.

Notice I said started...

I have the desire to write, and thoughts I want to write, yet once I get going my brain fogs up and I end up making very little sense.

Same thing tonight... I sat down to write, started something, and quit.  Too much on my mind and too much in my heart to figure out.

Then as I continued sitting here, petting the cat that stands in front of my computer screen each evening, and lamenting over projects I should be working on and yet don't feel like it, I realized something:  I am not a finisher.

I am GREAT at coming up with ideas, MOTIVATED to start said ideas, EXCITED when things get going, and then... somewhere along the way I get lost.

Usually it's right about the time when I'm not sure what to do next, or overwhelmed because I don't really know what I'm doing, or distracted for the fifteenth time by 'I'm hungry again' or other childhood ailment that can't wait a few minutes longer.

Sometimes I feel like my house should be on Hoarders (okay, not THAT bad, but sometimes it feels that way!), and I want them to go through all the clutter in my house, and the house itself and count how many unfinished projects I have.  

Sad.

I really wish God would make me a finisher.  I mean, if He's giving me ideas, motivating me to start, then WHY can't He make me finish it?  I guess a better word is why can't He ENCOURAGE me to finish it. 

No clue how to change this yet.  

BUT I will start learning how to be a finisher tonight, by ending this post and actually putting it on my blog. :)

...hey,  ya gotta start somewhere, right? ;)

Preschool Printable LOVE! :)

I never had any type of 'formal' preschool teaching with my oldest.  He's always been naturally curious and willing to learn anything we want to show him.  He's also quite dependent, so he has always let me show him how to do anything he wanted to learn, or I wanted him to learn.

Then came second born... a daughter.... MUCH like her mother.  She is very independent and stubborn, and although being almost 3 1/2 she still can't recognize or write her alphabet.

Oldest was writing words by her age...

She has refused vehemently to allow me to teach or show her anything!  Starting Kindergarten with our son 9 weeks ago, I had the bright idea that she would sit with us and I could work with her too.  Well, she DOES sit with us, but still has fought me every single day when I try to show her ANYTHING!

I'd tried several approaches, but with failure...

I had been seeing links for Preschool Printables on moneysavingmom's BLOG, and finally decided to try them. I chose the fall themed pack from Homeschool Creations since we have been enjoying fall here in Ohio.

At first I was just going to print them, let her go at it, then toss them in the trash when she was done.  But after printing 20+ pages, I just could allow myself to be that wasteful.

I decided to put the pages into sheet protectors, and then into a binder JUST FOR HER.  She's big on things that are just for HER, being the only girl in between two brothers. :)

She LOVES markers (and anything to do with art), so I gave her a small expo marker in purple (she got to choose), and attempted to show her what to do with her new book.

She listened.

No protesting, No fighting, No 'I can do it by myself!'....  I actually got lost a few sentences into explaining because I hadn't been prepared to actually teach her!

Her first attempt was still an independent, my way, effort, but I gently corrected her and explained again what to do and how we need to treat her special book.

The End.

no, not of this post, and NOT the end of my teaching!  She sat for over an hour, using both the marker for tracing, and the hands on manipulatives for sorting, etc.

And she let me teach her the entire time. :)

She even pulled the book out to show daddy when he got home, and did a few pages for him.  Before bed, she pulled it out again and did some more.

I am thrilled!  I have big plans for changing the theme each month and hoping her excitement continues! :)

I also made one for my Kindergartner, as supplement to his normal curriculum, but he hasn't had a chance to use it yet.

Just a few pics of my stubborn princess to follow my words. :)

I used a small, flexible 1/2 inch binder.  

I plan on storing them in a larger binder when we change themes. :)

I organized the manipulative pieces into baggies, then into sheet protectors.

You can see her independence in her first line.  ;)

After correcting her, and showing her again, she listened and followed directions!

Results

My apologies in being a WEEK late on the results of my aspirations.  Things have been... nuts. :)

I'm sure you're sitting on edge wondering what in the world I had planned to do, but let me tell ya, you can scoot back.  For most of you, disappointment will probably invade your mysterious excitement.

What I had decided to do, was to paint our bedroom and dressers as a surprise to my hubby.  He was going to be working yet another 14 hour day, and I thought it would be a wonderful, lifting encouragement for him to come home to a 'new' bedroom.

You have to understand WHY this is such a big deal.  I've struggled so long with discontentment with this house, that I (we) got to a place where we started letting things go.  Add to that, no money, no desire, no energy, and you have a small, messy, cluttered, outdated home.  I should actually use the word house not home because it stopped being a home to us years ago.

With all the changes God has been doing in my heart the past few weeks, one of the challenges He's given me is to change my attitude towards my house, and make it a home again.  Regardless of how my hubby may still feel about the house, if I can change MY attitude and actions, perhaps it will begin to reduce his discontentment with the house.

All nonverbal of course. ;)

Over the past couple of weeks, I've made it a point to keep parts of the house clean as much as possible (I do have 3 tornadoes five and under), as well as work on the rooms that have gotten left out.  I'm sure one of the kids (or ME) will break a neck or leg by tripping over the toys strewn horrendously in their rooms.  I set up a schedule to work 30 minutes in each bedroom (yes, ours too) and the computer/school/everything else room.

I've been happy to complete this at least half the days in a week for the past two weeks, and I love that my hubby comes home to a cleaner house.

**I need to put in here that he DOES NOT CARE at all what the house looks like.  While that is a HUGE blessing, it is also a curse for me.  But as everyone knows, a clean house encourages a calming spirit. :)  or so I'm told. ;)**

I've become more organized with my house (okay, I'm getting there), and more organized with my schedule. It helps that I've committed to staying up until he gets home from his 3rd job at 12:10am, and getting up with him at 6am.  More time with kids sleeping equals more time to organize and clean.

The biggest change of all is my attitude... I'm enjoying getting things in order.  I'm enjoying cleaning (well... more than before).  :)  I'm enjoying seeing the change in my husband because of the change in me.

I decided last minute to take on the challenge of redoing our bedroom, both to encourage him and to encourage me.  It really needed a makeover.  My mother-in-law gave us a bedspread four months ago that I refused to put on the bed until the room was painted.  yep, that's pretty much how long things take to get done around here... actually, it's more like years.


I hit up my favorite painting girlfriends for advice and encouragement (see previous post here), and added that to my limited knowledge of decorating and went for it.

I managed to paint the room, one complete dresser, and almost all of the second dresser, plus clean it up (enough) and put the bedspread on before he came home from work.

He. Loved. It.

He loved everything about the room, unfinished as it still is, but even more, he loved that I did it for him.

The room still isn't done.  I decided during the project that I wanted to also paint the ceiling and headboard, as well as do another coat on the 4th wall (I didn't paint it because I wanted it to stay that color.  However, the blue expo marker is begging to be painted over since I cannot get it off!).  The past few days I've also decided I want to rearrange the room.  Hubby doesn't know yet, because there's really only one other way to do it, and he doesn't like it that way.  I think he might now though??  :) We'll find out!

I also want to actually decorate the walls, something that has never been done in the almost 12 years we've lived here.  That is definitely an area I am handicapped in...

Here's a few before/after pics.  WHEN I finish the whole thing, I will post more.

It was such an uplifting encouraging thing to ME to see what I can actually accomplish when I put my mind to it!  I'm starting to win the battle of disability in life by doing and seeing I CAN do it.

God is so good!  I'm am very thankful He doesn't give up but keeps at me to change.  Thankful my stubbornness didn't win out this time! ;)

Both dressers looked like this.  They were given to us 12 years ago and I've always hated them.  Not until I met Kathy K. did I realize you could paint furniture to look like whatever you wanted. :)

(note the expo marker on the chocolate wall...)

I don't have any before pics of the room.  We didn't have a bedspread and as mentioned above, the room was a disaster.  It took me a long time to clean it, and you'll notice the left side of the room is missing... because I didn't get the piles of laundry completely folded/hung/put away. :P  

She Will Never Forget (OFF #3)

She lay in the bed and gave in to the heaviness of her eyelids.  Immediately her mind was flooded with memories of the blessings in her life.  She allowed the reflection to draw her in and rested in another time.

She will never forget the first time she met him.

She was in elementary school, and the year before, her class had prayed weekly for his family as they worked on the mission field in Africa.  She hadn't felt any special draw to any of the four boys in the family, and sometimes envied their pictures and letters they would send of their adventures there.

When he walked into class that first day, she froze.  One of those four missionary boys was standing right here in her classroom.  He walked over and sat at a desk in her classroom.  His desk was right beside her desk in her classroom.

Her eleven year old heart skipped its very first beat.

She was shy and quiet, and soon found out that despite being the popular missionary boy, he was just as shy.  The quietness became a bond as she helped him adjust to school in the states.

She will never forget his smile: genuine and soft.  He had a heart that mirrored his smile.  She could see his concern for others and his gentleness with words.

Junior high came and went, and even through those awkward stages and embarrassing moments, they remained the closest of friends.

During their freshman year of high school, he asked her father for permission to date her.  It was the beginning of a true heart relationship that continued to grow as they did.

They decided on the same college, though far from home, and he began his major of missionary aviation as she worked towards her nursing degree.  They had plans to marry and then join the work in Africa his parents had started.

Graduation day came, and soon after, their wedding.  A glorious day of two quiet hearts becoming one and having the goal of serving their Savior on the mission field.

While gaining support, they welcomed a beautiful baby girl into their tiny family.  It was a joyous surprise and a moment never forgotten.  She remembered the first time she saw her precious baby, and her heart had skipped again.

As a wife and mommy, she traveled with her husband, gaining support and praying for God's direction to be clear in their lives.  Three years later, while close to their final proposals, they welcomed another beautiful baby girl into their family.

Suddenly, her memories began twisting and started fading away.

"Wait!" she cried, but they soon disappeared.

Then she understood.  It was the birth of her second daughter that prompted the doctors to test her.  The tests were positive: she had cancer.  Her memories of blessings had been swallowed by the pain and heartbreak the next two years had involved.

She quieted her heart and opened her eyes.

She will never forget the first time she saw Him.

There, standing before her, with arms open wide, was her Savior, welcoming her home.  No more pain, no more heartache, no more tears.  She was safe with the One Who had loved her through it all.


***this is written in memory of my sweet friend, Jennifer, who lost her battle with cancer this morning at the age of 35.  she leaves behind her husband, and two little girls, but we know she has spent today with her Savior. she will be greatly missed.***

Surrounded (OFF #2 but only my #1). ;)

It was empty.

It was hers.

She had had her eye on this house for the past seven months as she made frequent stops to the quaint New England town during her business travels.  The tinted fall leaves in the thick woods and quietness of the area had collided with her present big city living, drawing her back time after time.

She had needed out. 

Her life had lost its purpose and everything she had loved was gone.  Suddenly the drone of the big city was too much for her and she found herself back in the small, peaceful town, only this time to stay.

It was the perfect place to start over.

The house had been empty for over a decade, which matched well with her heart.  The purchase was easy and now she walked through its halls, wondering of its history and listening for the stories the two-century-old house held. 

She imagined the families that had lived here.  She thought of the happiness that had once been in this house.  She wanted to imagine this house had never seen sorrow or anger or hurt or pain.  As she walked through each room, she sensed this had once been a joyful place, never yielding to the darkness that can so easily surround.

She had been surrounded by that darkness.

This was her escape.

She paused inside the smaller upstairs bedroom and immediately felt as if she wasn't alone.

Feeling no fear, she walked slowly across the room and placed her hand on the closet door. A cold draft entered the room and she held her breath.

Then she heard a voice she thought she had left forever, and the fear returned.

Aspirations

so is this new blogger set up new, or am i just WAY behind?...  i know i've been prompted to change it a few different times, but i just simply ignored it due to slim time in even getting to blog...

wow.  forget facebook's little changes... this is WEIRD. :)

anyway, i'm sitting down to blog about my goals for tomorrow.  i have BIG goals for tomorrow.  okay, more like insane goals.  i've only shared the idea with two people: one is encouraging me and saying i can do it, the other said there's no way on God's green earth it's possible. :)

i LOVE the two completely opposite opinions.

i highly respect both of these ladies and their opinions, and was not expecting their thoughts to be so opposite of each other.

obviously, the encouraging opinion motivates me.  someone believing i can do something that i'm not even sure i can do, but i STRONGLY desire to accomplish for many different reasons.  i'm not wanting this person to be 'proud' of me per se, BUT to think that when i'm finished i can say, 'YOU WERE RIGHT! I did it!  Thank you for encouraging me!' :)  That's motivation. :)

however, i am highly motivated by the opinion that this is completely impossible.  i'm definitely the type of person that if you say i CAN'T do something, then i will show you that i absolutely CAN (my daughter has inherited this from me... she's earned many punishments for this attitude already in her short life). ;)  and the opinion didn't come from MY lack of ability, but simply because of what is required cannot be done in her opinion.  i want to prove i CAN do this. :) telling me it's not possible is motivation.

i will share more details (and pictures) on sunday of how it went.

even if i failed, right now at this time in my life, just attempting it is going to be an encouragement. :)

BUT, i'm NOT gonna fail! ;)

October 10 on 10

One picture an hour for ten hours on the tenth of the month, to document and liven up an 'ordinary' day. :)

Or ten pictures I managed to snap during our insanely normal day... ;)

Loving the new Bible study.  Well, as much as you can love conviction from the Spirit. ;)

cleaned the half bathroom.  but who wants to see a picture of a toilet?  so here's the ceiling. :)

Childcare day at the gym.  Also got to run a mile, which made me happy! :)

Afternoon full of Kindergarten.

Washed, cut, and cooked a half bushel (one bag) to be ready when daddy got home.

Apparently dinner was very good. ;)  

and since i'm short a pic, i'll just add a second in or our MESSIEST eater of the three.

After dinner, daddy helped turn the cooked apples into applesauce.  YUM! 

also a great opportunity to practice taking turns to crank the handle. :)

Sparks! It was a tough night, but he said his sections and got his patch! :)

the way I end every weeknight now... folding clothes.  

my goal is to stay up til my hubby gets home at 1215 and if i sit still that doesn't happen. ;)

Not the greatest pics and none edited, but at least I did it this month! :)

Go HERE to see some more and some pretty awesome ones! ;)

Healing Begins~Tenth Avenue North

I sat down to attempt to blog, but my heart is just weak.  I've been doing a lot of paper and pen journaling, yet still managing to skirt the issues He wants me to face.  Then I happened to notice a comment on my last post, which was simply a line from a song.


Or I'm guessing she thought it was simply a line from a song...


I've loved the song for a long time.  But I swear these were NOT the words to the song. But I believe God uses different parts of music in our lives at different times.


He knew I needed this song this week.


I actually started this blogpost the day after my last post, but life and a dying modem left any desire for internet maneuvering.


He's continued to give me a few hours of mental breaks, followed by a few hours of tough learning.  It's all for my better and His glory.


Let the walls keep cracking and tumbling down...






So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear
( From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/t/tenth-avenue-north-lyrics/healing-begins-lyrics.html )

So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

A Heart of Flesh

It's a good thing I never felt compelled to write a blog for the intent of income such as many have.  I'd be more broke than I already am! ;)

I am here.  Life is busy, but honestly, I have had NO desire to write.  I haven't even wanted to entertain the thought of writing.

But here I am again. :)

I'm not the same person that quit writing 8 weeks ago.  I'm not the same person I was 2 weeks ago...

God has been working HARD in my life and changing me so much the past two weeks!  Sin is being confessed, habitual sin is being ripped out, thick walls are being cracked and my heart of stone is being replaced with a heart of flesh.

A heart of flesh...  A heart that feels and loves and has desires.  A heart that is genuine and sincere.

I know most Christians will say, 'what? we are supposed to avoid anything having to do with the flesh!', but you need to know the context where this came from.

Ezekiel 11:19-20 ~ And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them.  I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, that they may walk in my statutes and keep my rules and obey them.  And they shall be my people and i will be their God.

I had to stop after I pasted those verses on here.  God is not done just yet.  I have been also wrestling with those cracking, thick, ancient walls...  They kept creeping in as I let Him work on me this past week, but I wasn't sure because I wasn't sure if I was attempting to make excuses to avoid the sin issues or if He really was doing both.  So I wrote off the walls... actually I FORGOT about it, despite trying my hardest to remember what had been bothering me, which I believe was Divine amnesia so I could take care of the other thing first.  During the 48 or so hours I forgot about it was the time I finally allowed Him to start changing me.


**disclaimer** not sure why this paragraph turned blue and i don't feel like figuring it out... :)  


I remembered it last night, but that was the extent of my thoughts towards it, until I sat down and starting typing.  As SOON as I typed those words above of thick walls being cracked, my chest tightened and I teared up.  (yeah, crying is apparently something people with hearts of flesh do quite often)...  I tried to keep going but could not!

I prayed, and it went something like, "you ARE kidding, right, God??"

UGH.

I mean, it's a good thing.  That's a good UGH... well...

The flood of emotions I'm experiencing at this moment is overwhelming.  It's an excitement because I've seen what He has done in me already and want more of that, but tearing down those walls is a FRIGHTENING thought!  it's like sorting through a large, tangled spider web that is one sticky mess to unravel.  I want to say I don't even know where to start, but I'm sure He would direct me to the beginning.

Now I have a choice.

I can choose to ignore His prompting.

OR

I can choose to obey His prompting.

***
I had to come back to this after a few hours of interruption.  I've ran through about every emotion possible just in the past 5 hours.

In the end it all comes down to this: am I sincere about the commitment I made to Him last week.  Though this is a totally different issue, my obedience and trust in Him is being tested after I just chose last week to obey and trust Him.  I sighed a breath of relief, knowing that if this was what He was prompting me to do, He would take me through it and guide, protect, and encourage me in the messy process.  All I have to do is obey, and He will do the rest.

I'm going to end the post here, pick up a pen and notebook, and do it the old-fashioned way.  I need to sort it out on paper with words and I prefer handwriting over typing.

I hope that doesn't mean I'm showing my age. ;)

I am hoping to spend more time on here.  We'll see.

August 10 on 10

So glad to be back to this for August! :)  Love 10 on 10!

And I'm narrating my pics, because I like it better that way. :)

Started the day cleaning up after a major thunderstorm...

continued working on cleaning and tagging yard sale things

the kids had rice for lunch outside.  for some reason i just love this pic!

I've liked these all summer, but on rare occasions.  Now that they're $1, I'm addicted...

The rest of our evening was spent at the Hartford Village Fair, near where my hubby grew up

Little #3's FAVORITE

The next 2 pics go together... so just pretend they're one. ;)

My nephew's first ever Demolition Derby.  He loved it!

Little #2 begged all evening to do this, so we finally gave in.  She LOVED it.  Glad daddy works this contraption so she can do it as much as she wants. ;)

Little #1 prefers to keep his feet on the ground and challenge his intellect. :)

I ended my night with a late night, very rare, movie with my sister. She had just finished the book and the movie was just released today. :)  I highly recommend both! 

Join us in September!! :)  Go Here to see the original blog and to join us! :)

Strong Enough

**my internet was down so I typed this on word and don't feel like changing the font/colors... so don't read into it looking differently from the other posts. :)

Yesterday was somewhat of a turning point for me.

At least I hope it was.

Mentally, I finally had a revelation, a light bulb moment, one of those thoughts where you go, 'OH DUH!'

My two strongest emotions that rear themselves often is anger and depression.  I guess depression isn't technically an emotion, but more of a combination  as well as results, of emotions (I'm not here to give a professional opinion or definition, I'm just writing to help myself get things figured out).

Most people would say good things never come from anger, but I strongly disagree.  Most of my best ideas, works, determinations have come from my anger.  Most of my anger is directed towards myself until I get to a point where I boil over.  Then I see things differently and can think more clearly.  Some of my best revelations have come from these moments.

Now, add in a few doses of steroids to the mix and WATCH OUT!!  If you've ever seen someone on steroids go into a steroidal rage, you know it isn't pretty.  That's been me the last few days: raw, almost uncontrollable, anger. 

Thankfully it only lasts the first few days it wears off, so hopefully I'm done with that level of anger this time around.

The last few days have been very difficult for me concerning a situation in this house.  Combined with my steroidal (and normal) anger, I have been a nightmare.  Thankfully, I recognize the effects of the steroids and can remind myself this isn't normal and to hang in there before impulsively doing something drastic.  I'm still in Ohio, so it has worked. ;)

After a slight meltdown on Friday evening, the depression started kicking in.  I can handle depression.  As a melancholy soul, I actually function better when I'm a bit down.  Then there was one more flare up of steroidal rage, in which the thought finally came to me:

I've let myself become weak.

I started thinking back 16 years to when I left my home in Michigan and moved to Iowa to go to college.  I couldn't have gotten out of the state fast enough (well, as fast as my little Ford Escort could go anyway). :)  I moved 11 hours away, to a place I'd never been, where I only knew 1 other person on campus, and I LOVED it.  I fell in love with Iowa, but more so with the independence I had. 

I had no need of a job as my 4 years were paid for by my parents.  However, I worked 2-3 jobs at one time the entire 4 years I was there.  I hated sitting around doing nothing, I'm not a hugely social person (ha), and studying was easy for me so I didn't need to spend hours on it.  So I worked, made my own money, bought whatever I wanted, treated friends to whatever they wanted, and still saved 80% of my earnings.  I was in complete control and I loved it.

Before I make it sound like a cakewalk, college was also the hardest 4 years of my life, facing and dealing with many personal issues.  But that has nothing to do with this post. ;)

I moved to Ohio because my fiance was here and still in school.  It was the hardest thing I'd ever done.  I moved 12 hours from Iowa, to a place I'd never been, where I only knew 1 other person in the city, and I HATED it.  I lost every bit of independence I had ever had.

I let everything go.  I mean, I was a teacher at the church I still attend, so I worked, but otherwise I stayed in my apartment and became a hermit.  I didn't decorate the apartment, I rarely even cleaned it, both things I had enjoyed greatly in Iowa. Then 4 months later I got married...

I've been the same the past 12 years.

Well, not EXACTLY the same... I mean, no one stays exactly the same for 12 years.

What I do mean is that I've not gained back that independence... that attitude of I can do anything and everything because I am me.  Thankfully, it does rear it sweet head on occasion, so I know it's still there, it's just stifled by all the other junk in my heart.

Yesterday I realized I'm going to have to find that strong independence I was born with, that I work so well with, that allows my life to be clean, organized, run smoothly and is more enjoyable than staying weak in my circumstances.

At first I became all excited and fired up thinking, YES! I CAN do this!!!

Then I kinda freaked out thinking, WAIT! Can I do this???

Today will be my first attempt at weeding out weakness and finding my strength again.  Facing and dealing instead of ignoring and pretending.  Stepping up to make life what I had thought it would be 16 years ago.

Hopefully today is successful and ignites a spark. 

If not... well, let's just not go there.

Phil. 4:13~I can do all things through Christ Who gives me strength!

the road less traveled

okay, i'll say right now, that the title of this post really has nothing to do with what i'm most likely going to write about.  i more or less have a road in my thoughts (you'll see in my pics), and of course that was the first common poem that popped into my head... ha.

i have a feeling i should put a warning here that i have no idea where this post will go.  it's one of those posts that comes at a time when things are just not so great and i just have to write and puke and vomit to get it all out.  so there you go.

then again, i may back out and this could be the most boring post ever.

and i'm a bit edgy and antsy at the moment, so forgive any grammar and spelling errors.  capitals are thrown out when i feel this way.  rebelliousness perhaps?? :)

does that show my moodiness i've been feeling lately? ;)

things are so very out of control in my life right now and i'm grasping at that rope to just hang on and not let myself fall out of control and into behaviors i know aren't right.

here's a quick summary:

financially... ha.  well, the budget was INCREDIBLE the first 6 days...  well, then the past 2 weeks it's been total chaos.  and i am solely and completely to blame.  but i'll write more on that when i give the monthly update in a few weeks...

my marriage is struggling... and i am mostly solely responsible... (like that?)

my house is out of control.  not my children, but my house itself... not that my children are usually IN control either, but that i can deal with.  the house... the stuff... the 11 years of blah... the clutter accumulated from years and years of depression...  sooooo overwhelming.

mentally... ha.  really?

spiritually... i'm struggling... but that's not a bad thing per se.  i would be more worried if i wasn't struggling because that would mean satan is satisfied with where he has me.  so i'm okay with the struggling.  i do wish i could learn some of the things i seem to continually fail at though.  i'm in the Word daily, i'm working through a Bible study with some sweet friends I have grown to love, and i spend a lot of time in prayer (because i have complete confidence in the power of prayer as well as enjoyment in that personal time with my Father).  i may fail at consistency with devotions, but my prayer life is vital to me.

physically... my back is taking its SLOW sweet time in healing from the two herniated discs.  i am much more mobile now (even though technically i'm not supposed to be AS mobile) but not where i was or where i'd like to be at this time. i go tomorrow morning for another epidural injection (i.e. steroid shot) and i'm hoping this one really does the trick.  *fingers crossed*

.... ha.  see, i had no clue this was how this was going to go...

anyway, back to the roads...  last week i was able to have some 'alone time' while at my in-laws.  the oldest 2 went to vbs with my mil, and since zane is papaw's boy he watched him while i went walking on the country roads... something i grew up doing and LOVE still.

the third and fourth nights i walked, i was very overwhelmed in my heart with different issues... heartbroken, angry, frustrated,... many many negative emotions.  i sulked and whined to my Father while i walked and on that last evening, He brought the road itself to my attention.

hey, He uses what He knows will get our attention.

i walked a road for one mile exactly (one way).  the roads out there are a mixture of sorts.  none of them are paved, yet none are dirt.  they use a 'half paving' method on most of the roads, and a thick gravel on lesser traveled ones.  the road i was walking each day was interesting because it switched on and off between the two types of road for the full mile.

i paid no attention to it the whole week until that last night.  the night i was struggling the most.  which happened to be the night i forgot my tennis shoes and went walking in my flip flops... ;)

the road was easy to walk on for the first half mile.  it was the half paved road that simulated blacktop but wasn't quite blacktop... it was smoothish and except for a rock or two every few feet, i didn't have to even think while walking on it.

then suddenly, it ended.  instead was the beginning of the gravel.  the start of the gravel was sporadic and laid right on top of well packed dirt. it was very hard to walk on because the gravel wasn't very thick and the individual pieces weren't close together.  it was not good for my feet or my back.

the gravel began to be closer together and after 10 feet or so, it became very thick and packed down.  not really smooth, but not as rough as you would think a gravel road would be.  this was easier to walk on than the beginning of the gravel, but it was still not as easy as the pavement.  i tried to stay on it because i was determined to finish my 2 miles, flip flops or not, but it wasn't long before i was off to the side of the road.

the side of the road was mostly dirt with a few stray gravels.  it was flat and didn't shift like the thick gravel.  at times when the gravel came 'out of bounds', i chose to step further off to the side and walk in the tall grass.  i mean, it was easier!

i didn't think much of any of it until i got to the end of the road and stood there, staring back at where i had come.  that's when He begin using the analogy of the rough/easy road to remind me of my life, and of the situation i was dealing with at the moment.

we've most all heard it before... sometimes life is rough, other times it is smooth...  you know, like the road. but the kicker for me was the fact that i had talked with Him the whole way... He was right there beside me the entire time, through the rough, through the smooth, through the times i didn't feel like dealing with it and looked for an easier way out.

there's a difference between our heads and our hearts when the realization of knowing He's always with us hits.

this life that i've become dissatisfied with... this life that i'm very discontent with... this situation that i want to just run from instead of deal with...  this is all in His plan for me.  There are things in this difficulty that He wants me to learn, and wants to use for His glory.

Sometimes I 'know' that... in my head i know that my trials, whether caused by my sin or others' sin, is in His plan and to be used for His glory.

but i have a rebellious heart... i have a selfish, self-focused, heart that wants MY way, wants what I want, and staying on the difficult path is NOT part of my plan.

so the struggle continues between my heart and mind, between what I know is right and what I want, between knowledge and emotion.

but at least i'm still struggling and haven't let go of that rope yet...

i don't want this post to be discouraging to you.  i want it to be encouraging... knowing our Father loves us enough to be right there and to have our best interest at the forefront even if we can't see it.

Oh, How He Loves Us So!


***pics wouldn't upload...  i'll come back and fix it another time***

Homemade Kosher Dill Pickles

I am a pickle lover!

Actually, I am a pickle snob...  yes, I admit it.

I love dill pickles... Kosher dills to be exact. :)

If I could purchase kosher dills on a regular basis, the only brand I would purchase is Claussen... They are the absolute BEST!  great flavor and, the most important thing, great CRUNCH! :)

Flimsy pickles just don't cut it... at all.

I grew up in a Southern family who believed in canning as much as they believed in the Bible.  However, the only pickles I ever remember being made were bread and butter pickles... no thanks.  I've recently started eating them (because my MIL gives us tons she cans every year), but because of this I've never had a desire to make my own pickles.

Then the thought hit me... DUH, make my own dills!  Kosher dills in fact!

It just so happens my inlaws garden has the BEST year of cucumbers this year, and I am on the receiving end of most of that.  So I took my 50 or so cucumbers, and turned them into Kosher dills... I was nervous, wondering about the flavor and of course the crunch, but was VERY excited when they turned out tasting 99% like Claussen's!!

My sister, who is also a pickle snob, came and tested them, and agreed with me!  YAY!

Here's a little photo array of how I made my pickles.  This is not a 'how to', so I take no responsibility if you attempt this just by my photos. ;)  But I do recommend trying it!  SO cheap and SO easy! :)


The best cucumbers to use are 3-5 inches in length, and still have the spiky things on them.  Ignore the bigger ones in the picture... we just ate those as is. :)  Wash cucumber thoroughly.

Cut ends off cucumbers and slice however you want.  I did halves and chips.  

Thank you to my Pampered Chef Mandolin for slicing my cucumbers quickly and ripply. :)

Fill jars with sliced cucumbers.  Leave 1/4 inch space at top.  I used pint jars for most of mine, because that's the most jars I have, but next year would like to do more quarts. :)

I researched Kosher dill seasonings online, and this was the best I found.  Ball's Kosher Dill.  It comes in smaller packages too, but I knew I would be doing a lot.  I actually ran out of it and will have to get another one for the new batch of cucumbers I just got on Saturday!  When I went to get this, I noticed the small jar of 'pickling crunch' beside it.  Now the seasoning itself is supposed to make crunchy pickles, but because I'm a crunchy pickle snob, I went ahead and got the little jar too. :)  It only takes 1/8 tsp per pint, so this should last me a few years! :)

Following the directions on the seasoning, I added water and vinegar and boiled.  Then I poured the hot liquid over the pickles, filling until 1/4 inch from the top of the jar.

Pickles do not need pressure canned, which makes them SO easy!  You can actually do them two ways: water bath or cold pack.  Water bath means submerging them in water and boiling for 5-10 minutes.  they will then seal when cooling down. These last for years! Cold packing means simply sticking them in the fridge.  They only last 3 months (like they're gonna last that long around here), but if you have room, I suggest doing some this way.  I water bathed most of mine, but did stick several in the fridge.  Pickles are ready to eat after 24 hours.  Obviously let them sit longer for a stronger flavor.

So easy, so fun, and SOOOO YUMMY!!! :)

LOOK, it's a post!! :)

quick update on where I've been lately:  a few weeks ago I hurt my back.  One herniated disc and one torn disc have kept me from sitting at the computer long enough to post anything substantial.  Sitting is the most painful position as of late, which stinks...especially since the only computer we have is a desktop.

BUT, I began steroid injections earlier this week, along with SUPER FUN physical therapy (ha), and I can now sit here for at least 10 minutes at a time! :)

Which means I have to type really, really fast... ;)

...or keep the post rather short...

I like the first option. :)

So there's where I've been.  Things have obviously changed quite a bit since my last post, but I'm not gonna catch you up.  Life is life... the good, the bad, the things you just gotta let go of....

BUT I do want to share a bit about our finances (since I tend to whine about them a lot on here).

Yesterday was July 1st.  Every month I attempt to read a Proverbs a day, corresponding with the day (to help me remember both the date and where I left off).  I've been doing this on and off for about 2 years, and I don't think I've made it through an entire month without missing one (or a few).  That's okay...

But I've been doing rather well at keeping up with it the past week or two, so I was excited to get a 'fresh start' yesterday.

Just a side note... it is impossible to read Proverbs and not learn at least one thing from a chapter.

The first few chapters are about wisdom and knowledge.  Seeking it, asking for it, what happens if you don't... Those kinds of things...

Without anything specific in mind, I asked God to give me wisdom for yesterday.  To help me obtain and use His wisdom and knowledge in whatever way I needed it (which technically could cover everything...).

I barely finished my prayer time when He placed in my head the struggle with our finances, the fact that we haven't been keeping and running our written budget in almost a year, and the fact that since it was July 1st, it was the perfect day to set the budget back into place and be determined to follow it.

YAY.  or not...

We are very ignorant when it comes to finances (obviously).  We couldn't even make a budget as of two years ago because we were that clueless!  After receiving financial counseling for a few months back then, we had a written budget.  The year and a few months that we followed the budget was some of the better financial months for us.  No, we didn't end up with more free money (in fact, every month the spreadsheet kept telling us we didn't make enough to cover the bills!).  But somehow we were never behind on bills, never worrying over money, never going in the hole and paying overdraft fees to the bank.

So why did we stop?  Laziness.  Pride.  Busyness.  I don't know exactly, but I'm sure one or all of those played a part.

The past few months kept getting worse (despite a small increase in our income because of my Tastefully Simple business).  Yesterday, God flat out told me that if I would ask for His wisdom with our finances, He would give it to us.

So, I painstakingly set our budget back up (which took a few hours due to having to get up every few minutes).

Let me tell ya, by the time I had completed the budget for July, I did NOT feel any wiser... :P

I had to leave for a while, which was great timing, then went back to pay some bills and see how the budget was actually going to work.

In the middle of 'which do we need to pay first so it's not late' and 'who charges the least amount for a late fee because it will be late' conversations with myself, a light bulb turned on.

I was writing out numbers in crayon (because my pens seem to always disappear, but a crayon can always be found), when I stopped and had an epiphany that only He could give us.  I just sat there, staring at the hodgepodge of forest green numbers.  I was totally blown away...

This is actually going to work.

If I just changed a few things around (which I NEVER would have done before), then we could finally have our first successful financial month in almost a year.

Wow.

I woke up this morning actually excited about our budget and 'working' it this month!  I'm hoping to report back in August to let you know how July went! :)

I don't know why I'm so amazed that He gave me the wisdom I needed when I asked for it.  How little faith I actually have...

^{Proverbs 1:5} let the wise listen and add to their learning, 
   and let the discerning get guidance—