A Heart of Flesh

It's a good thing I never felt compelled to write a blog for the intent of income such as many have.  I'd be more broke than I already am! ;)

I am here.  Life is busy, but honestly, I have had NO desire to write.  I haven't even wanted to entertain the thought of writing.

But here I am again. :)

I'm not the same person that quit writing 8 weeks ago.  I'm not the same person I was 2 weeks ago...

God has been working HARD in my life and changing me so much the past two weeks!  Sin is being confessed, habitual sin is being ripped out, thick walls are being cracked and my heart of stone is being replaced with a heart of flesh.

A heart of flesh...  A heart that feels and loves and has desires.  A heart that is genuine and sincere.

I know most Christians will say, 'what? we are supposed to avoid anything having to do with the flesh!', but you need to know the context where this came from.

Ezekiel 11:19-20 ~ And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit I will put within them.  I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh, that they may walk in my statutes and keep my rules and obey them.  And they shall be my people and i will be their God.

I had to stop after I pasted those verses on here.  God is not done just yet.  I have been also wrestling with those cracking, thick, ancient walls...  They kept creeping in as I let Him work on me this past week, but I wasn't sure because I wasn't sure if I was attempting to make excuses to avoid the sin issues or if He really was doing both.  So I wrote off the walls... actually I FORGOT about it, despite trying my hardest to remember what had been bothering me, which I believe was Divine amnesia so I could take care of the other thing first.  During the 48 or so hours I forgot about it was the time I finally allowed Him to start changing me.


**disclaimer** not sure why this paragraph turned blue and i don't feel like figuring it out... :)  


I remembered it last night, but that was the extent of my thoughts towards it, until I sat down and starting typing.  As SOON as I typed those words above of thick walls being cracked, my chest tightened and I teared up.  (yeah, crying is apparently something people with hearts of flesh do quite often)...  I tried to keep going but could not!

I prayed, and it went something like, "you ARE kidding, right, God??"

UGH.

I mean, it's a good thing.  That's a good UGH... well...

The flood of emotions I'm experiencing at this moment is overwhelming.  It's an excitement because I've seen what He has done in me already and want more of that, but tearing down those walls is a FRIGHTENING thought!  it's like sorting through a large, tangled spider web that is one sticky mess to unravel.  I want to say I don't even know where to start, but I'm sure He would direct me to the beginning.

Now I have a choice.

I can choose to ignore His prompting.

OR

I can choose to obey His prompting.

***
I had to come back to this after a few hours of interruption.  I've ran through about every emotion possible just in the past 5 hours.

In the end it all comes down to this: am I sincere about the commitment I made to Him last week.  Though this is a totally different issue, my obedience and trust in Him is being tested after I just chose last week to obey and trust Him.  I sighed a breath of relief, knowing that if this was what He was prompting me to do, He would take me through it and guide, protect, and encourage me in the messy process.  All I have to do is obey, and He will do the rest.

I'm going to end the post here, pick up a pen and notebook, and do it the old-fashioned way.  I need to sort it out on paper with words and I prefer handwriting over typing.

I hope that doesn't mean I'm showing my age. ;)

I am hoping to spend more time on here.  We'll see.