wait

I have absolutely nothing in my mind or on my agenda to blog about.  I just feel like writing.

This should be an interesting post. ;)

it's currently saturday night.  kids are bathed and having their bedtime snack while watching a bedtime show.  saturday nights i usually skip the snuggling unless requested.  1/7 days isn't going to turn them into serial killers.

i've spent the last little bit searching for teaching openings for my hubby.  I have more time than he does, so I do most of the searching, then he does the applying.  so far, it's not going well.  as the end of the school year draws nigh, our stress levels increase.  yes, school doesn't start til august, but as a family of almost 6, it would be nice to know something before then.

the frustrating thing to me is how much we have spent in prayer this year concerning this subject.  more than any other year (we're going on 8 years, 5 of which have been 'serious' about searching).  God seems to be answering both of us with a 'wait' and both of us have just about had it.

don't get me wrong.. we aren't mad at God for having us wait.  It's just frustrating to not have a single clue about the direction we should be going.  we're both tired of floundering in life, in ministry, and in our family.

yes, we've considered the fact that THIS is where God wants us. (I know you were thinking it).  BUT if this is the LOCATION He wants us, then why is He not opening a job here?

no, I don't think God wants us to stay at this school.  Bryan's salary is made to support a family of 3.  Once you move up to 4, you are in federal poverty levels.  Without his other jobs we would not make it, AND we're barely surviving on what his extra jobs add in.  He's gone most of the time.  His kids think he lives at work and visits us.  They crave him and miss him, and I hope I don't have to say I do too.  I miss him on many levels.

I don't think God wants us to continue to live like this, with him having only 30 minutes a day of interaction with us.  And when his school announced this week there would be no raises AGAIN this coming school year, we both expressed to each other how we couldn't continue this.

Waiting stinks.  We don't really have a choice either.  It's not like we're going to jump on the first job offered just because it's the only one...  umm... well, we might.  I told you we were at our wits ends.  Anything offered would be covered in prayer on our behalf, and part of those prayers would be for us to set our frustrations and desires aside in order to know God's clear path.

I'll admit, even the thought of a job offer makes my heart skip a beat.  I need to start praying the first one offered IS the one He wants us to have!! ;)

until then, living in a state of unknown will continue to be our daily routine.  i'm hoping we don't lose ourselves while waiting...  pray, pray, pray!

praying.  and waiting.