Ten on Ten

My friend Kathy posted this idea she found and I LOVED it!  So today, I carried my camera around, and realized how much I've missed it!  The idea is to take and post ten pictures that narrate your day on the tenth of each month.

Today was an unusually busy day for me, so while sorting through the 63 pictures I took (yes, sixty-three!) it was hard to pick out just ten.

Oh, and before you think I had THAT exciting of a day, some of those 63 were ten or so of the same shot... I'm reallllly out of practice!

But, here you go.  Enjoy. :)  I had a TON OF FUN doing it! :)


I've had a sick, non-sleeping infant for 4 or 5 days now (I've lost count).  After maybe a total hour of sleep last night, this was definitely the first thing to start my day.  And yes, I had a few extra cups...

Between two kids with double ear infections, and a severely injured dog, this was step two of my morning...  The only thing missing was the Tylenol bottle that I had just emptied and threw away. :P

This is not to show off our ornament.  This is to show it's currently the only thing on the tree.  Seriously.  We had our tree up, then a friend called and asked to trade, so yesterday I took it down and swapped with her.  I gave away a tiny 3 1/2 ft tree, and received a 7 ft monster that took up 1/4 of our living room.  It was BEAUTIFUL, but just not doable.  So today, for the third time, I took the tree apart and more or less cut it in half.  After that, decorating it was not a desire I had.

Lunch.  My kids {and hubby} could live on this.  Good thing it's cheap.  

Between these two pictures I had a PTO meeting at Noah's school.  However, I didn't think standing outside a school taking pictures was the smartest thing to do.  Didn't want to come across as ... creepy...


SO, after the PTO meeting, I went to renew my license.  This is all you need to see of it.  Trust me.  But someone tell me, why in the world are they pink now??

This evening I kept a friend's kids... 3 wonderful, helpful, fun OLDER kids that are a blessing to watch!

Guests = Take out pizza.  Thank you Little Caesar's!  And FYI, I wanted a pic of the pizza with just one piece missing, but by the time I got to pick up the camera, one entire pizza was gone, and two slices from the second!  5 hungry kids and a hungry hubby tear through it pretty quickly! 

For something fun, I decided we could make cut out cookies and decorate them.  Because of my super busy day (and lack of baking skills), I just grabbed a tube of sugar cookies instead of making homemade.  BAD idea.  The cut outs swelled and melted together and made pans of one giant cookies.  So I quickly cut a few shapes out of the HOT cookie.  It worked. :)

They depleted FOUR batches of icing. :)  Love it.

And I had to go back and edit this and change my last photo.  This is my youngest, sleeping soundly at midnight.  The past 4 midnights he's been awake and screaming (until 4 or so in the morning).  So I HAD to add this sweet ending to my day.  Now off to bed and hoping he and I both get sleep tonight!

Join the fun next month!!! 

Read more about it! http://tenontenphotojournal.blogspot.com/

Zero

A couple of months ago, this thought suddenly popped into my head:

I'm going to die unless I lose this weight.


The specific moment I had that thought was not during a weight check, binging, exercising or really absolutely nothing to do with anything concerning weight loss.

It's always in the back of my mind lately though.

Due to six years of infertility, severe depression, and TONS of fertility medications, I gained a whopping amount of weight.  I gained more with my first pregnancy, but lost all the baby weight by 11 weeks postpartum.  I gained with my second pregnancy, and lost all that baby weight by 12 weeks postpartum.

I was back to the same number, unfortunately it was still a rather large number.

Between baby #2 and baby #3, two great things happened.  I bucked up and joined weight watchers with a friend.  I proceeded to lose 41 pounds.  I also had to start taking a medication, which had a side effect of appetite suppressant.

Then baby #3 surprised us (happily!), and suddenly my body went into revolt or something!  I started gaining weight faster than I ever had before.  I gained exactly 11 pounds my first 5 months of pregnancy... and NOT total, PER MONTH!!!  That was almost my total for my first pregnancy, and over my total for the entire second! I was outraged!

Here I had worked my tail off (almost literally) for the past 6 months, and suddenly that was all thrown out the window?!?!  Once I passed my beloved '41', I started crying in the doctor's office.  I asked her what in the world was going on, and the answer she gave me made total sense, but was totally laughable:  because I had lost so much weight just prior to getting pregnant, my body didn't know how to respond to the new hormones and began gaining weight twice as fast.

Really?  I was being punished for losing weight??

Her second answer:  my hormones had collided with my medication and they didn't agree.  the hormones took over the medication and turned them against me.

What was this?  Some sick 'we gotta maker her fat again' war going on in my body?

It didn't matter what I did, I continued to gain.

At my 6 month check, I had dropped to *only* gaining 6 pounds.  And 6 it was for every single month til baby 3 made his entrance.

Alright, I thought.  Now baby is out, and this *many* pounds I've gained will be gone in 12 weeks.

WRONG.

In the first 12 weeks I had only lost maybe 7 of the baby pounds.  Then I gained a few back, lost one, gained a few more, lost one... you get it.

I could spend a week eating only veggies and working out 2 hours a day to only end in losing zero (and some weeks I even GAINED).

I got the same results if I sat around all day and ate nothing but pizza and junk.

Here I am 7 months out and I've gotten nowhere.

I admit my motivation the past few months has been at level zero.

And this was after the thought above had popped into my head.

My motivation seems to be at zero in almost every area of my life the past few months.  Even if I do what is right (daily time in the Word, prayer, priorities) it doesn't seem to matter.  I just can't find that I care the way I should be... the way I need to.

Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE my family with my whole heart.  My hubby and kids are the world to me.  I don't WANT to die, but if I don't lose this weight then I can't be surprised if it does kill me.

Goodness, shouldn't that be motivation enough?

If you're reading this, and you pray, please pray for me to have the motivation I need.  Pray I figure something out soon...

... part 2

She got her stitches out on Sunday.  

She fell down 12 wooden basement stairs on Thursday.

Thursday was Thanksgiving.

Thankfully, almost all damage was to her face and head.

Well, not really thankfully, but at least nothing was broken.

I need to make time to actually write a REAL blogpost.  

Maybe then it won't be so filled with my little daredevil and all her owies...

Goodness.

...

I'm not sure I really need to say anything for this post.

But, I'm going to.

First of all, in this picture, she is missing one of the five stitches.  

She pulled it out herself.

If I felt like it, I would post a second picture.

The second picture would be of her missing two of the five stitches.

She pulled another one out today.

The doctor and nurse who did the sutures thought I was stupid for asking 

if she would be able to take them out.

But I didn't feel stupid, because I knew.

She cried MAYBE a total of 30 seconds through this entire incident.

One of my many qualities I'm actually glad she inherited.

I love her and I'm thankful for her.  

Despite having two boys, my life would be SUPER dull without her in it.  

That's just who she is.  

That's just how God made her.

And I'm thankful he created her this way because I know

there will always be an adventure happening in our lives!

Selfishly Doing Our Part

Recently, my hubby and I decided to make Mondays 'screen free' days.

To our family, this will mean that both TV's and the computer will be unplugged (literally) from Sunday night until Tuesday morning.  Unplugged, because otherwise they still use electricity when plugged in, despite being off.

Now some of you may be thinking, "Good for them!  We all need less TV in our lives!"

Or maybe, "Every family needs more focused family time!"

Or maybe even, "Good job in conserving energy and helping out our planet!"  Every little bit helps, right?

Well, sorry to disappoint you, but none of the above reasons were our primary reason.  Yes, they were bullet points to our main reason, but in all honesty, we are simply being selfish.

Maybe that's a bit harsh?

Our main reason for doing so is to help cut down on our electric bill.  Obviously with less sunlight during the winter, this means more lights on in the home for a longer time.  We are hoping by cutting out just one day, that our electric bill won't skyrocket like every winter.

Like most people, we are 'hurting' for money.  We have slowly been digging ourselves out of the first eleven years of our marriage and debt that incurred with that, but still have a long way to go.  Bryan's last payment for his summer job comes in mid-September, and from then til June we struggle, living mostly paycheck to paycheck.  Often by February our bills even begin to fall behind, due to the higher gas and electric bills during winter.

We're hoping with my new job with Tastefully Simple (www.tastefullysimple.com/web/aking3), that the little bit of income will help keep the bills from falling behind.  So far, all income has gone back into the business, but we have seen improvement in profit and parties, so that's encouraging!

Like my plug? :) Ha.

Until then, grocery shopping slows to once every 6-8 weeks, furnace is kept as low as possible, and candles are used not only as mood setters and fragrancing the house, but to help keep the lights off just a bit longer.

Which is where our idea of screen free Mondays came from.  Every little bit helps.

And as positives, we do experience less boob tube time, the more focused family time, and a tiny part of conserving energy for the planet (even though I think this is pointless.  another post for another time.)  :)

So far we've had two of these Mondays.  Ruby is having it the hardest since she has recently discovered Dora on Netflix.  Noah is having the easiest time, and has been the biggest cheerleader for it, which surprised us both.  Bryan and I enjoyed the first one, but after a trying day yesterday, all we wanted to do was veg in front of the tv and let our brains turn to mush.

Don't worry, we didn't give in. He just went to bed at 9, and Zane and I played til 11.  (Can you tell which of us is addicted to the TV the most?). ;)

I'm looking forward to more though.  I feel so much more motivated, the kids and I dance to music ALL day long, and we just enjoy each other.

Well, except when little sisters pick and pick and pick then shove us and we shove back, resulting in 5 stitches for her forehead...  :P  (blogpost for later)

Maybe the more focused family time isn't the best idea??

Ha.

My attempt at Flash Fiction

So I'm a few weeks late to answer a challenge given by a fellow blogger to write a flash fiction story in 300 words or less.  I shied away from it, simply because of how long it's been since I've written any fiction at all.  But as I read the creativity that flowed from my friends, stories began forming in my mind.  Clips here in there of beginnings to another place where I was the creator, the author, the controller of the lives and circumstances of others.


After ignoring it for as long as possible (and honestly not having the time), I'm gonna give it a shot.  Forgive me.


****True Forgiveness****


The harder she swept, the harder the wind blew against her.


With broom in hand, she began sweeping faster, determined to remove the debris.  Her hands became hot and she knew there would be blisters. 


The wind refused to die down or change direction.  With each stroke of the broom, the wind counteracted by pushing the dirt back in her face.


Tears began stinging her eyes, threatening to fall.  It was a resemblance of her life recently.  She had stumbled and fell into sin, and although she had asked forgiveness from her Savior and those involved, people couldn't let it go.  

There were some who knew the truth, and some who knew only rumors, yet both treated her as if she was an outcast.  She was invisibly marked with a sign she was forced to carry.  Forgiveness and repentance meant nothing to those in her world.  They continued to throw her sin back in her face as forceful as the wind pushing back the dirt she so desperately tried to get rid of.

She had often looked back at that time and wondered who she had been.  She couldn't understand even now how she could have fallen so far into such a wretched sin.  A habit that was so difficult to be loosed from, and so easily denied. 

The pain she had caused another person could never be undone. 

Neither could the pain she had caused herself.

She knew there would be healing, but it would be a far time away.  With every angry word and reminder from those who chose not to forgive nor understand, the healing seemed farther and farther.  The wounds deeper.

She squeezed her eyes shut and refused the tears.

"In His name, I am forgiven!", she shouted to the wind.

It should be all that mattered.

Dear Malachi...

One year ago today, God brought you into this world.

One year ago today, I began praying for you and your family.

One year ago today, God started using you to change my life.


I don't know what caused my heart to fall in love with you.  I didn't know you from any other child born that day.  I don't even know your parents.  I was drawn to them as well, because they attended the same college I did, though several years apart.  I simply knew relatives of your parents, and upon their request to pray for you that day, you became part of my life.

The day you were born, my daughter turned 17 months old.  In the numbers of life, 17 months can seem insignificant.  But the fact that you were born on her DAY made it significant.

You see, I would always remember your anniversaries... 1 month, 2 months, etc.  which is why I can't forget today.

But the importance of the day wasn't only for my memory, it was for the lessons I was going to learn.

My daughter is a sweetheart.  She is beautiful.  She is the second born, having an older brother, and recently a younger brother.  Despite these encouraging qualities, she is also a spitfire.  She is stubborn, independent, hard headed, and some days, an all out nightmare.  She is the total opposite of her brothers...

My patience with her is tested daily, sometimes several times a day.  I love her with all my heart, but some days I just had to get away from her.

Your sweet mommy and daddy began a blog just for you, updating with words, pictures, and even videos. Every day I would check your blog, praying as needed, and when there wasn't an update, praying anyway.

My spitfire daughter started ending up in my lap during my Malachi time.  She was not a gentle child at the time, preferring to put her baby dolls in the litter box and play with the tonka trucks instead.  We had just found out we were pregnant around the time you were born, and we were genuinely worried for the new baby.

For the first time I could remember, she would just sit on my lap and look at your pictures, watch your videos, wave and chat to you and Emma, and when I wasn't checking up on you, she would ask to see you.  It became a daily routine for her too.  It also became a time I could get her to sit quietly on those days she drove me insane.  As the months went by, I'm pretty sure she loved you as much as I did.

She had genuine concern for you, knowing you were sick.  She prayed for you in her little voice, with her limited knowledge of words.  Her heart became soft when she saw you or heard about you.

God used your life to teach me to love my daughter for who He created her to be.  Not to be thankful for the health of my children (which I am daily), nor the fact that He has allowed me to have each of them with me still, but He used your life to open my eyes and love her like she is, and not look down on her or dislike her because she isn't what I thought she should be.

It was one of many lessons I learned while praying for you...

I don't know God's specific intentions in creating you with the difficulties He allowed.  I don't know why He chose for you to only be here a short time.  But I know the lives you touched and changed for His glory.

On April 20, we welcomed our third blessing into our family.  We were still nervous about how our daughter would be with him.  When she came to the hospital, she looked at him, and we saw a tenderness in her we had only seen her have with you.  She was gentle with him from the very beginning, and soon became a sweet, loving, gentle little mommy to him and her baby dolls.  We were shocked, and thankful.

When I heard of the decision to allow you to fall asleep in Jesus' arms, I was angry.  I was sad for you and your family, I was angry with God for allowing this, even angry with the decision itself, even though I didn't understand the full extent of your hardship and pain.  My heart knew what was best for you, but the thought of you being gone, caused my heart to ache.  I can't imagine the hurt your mommy and daddy were feeling...

When I heard of your passing, I cried.  I didn't understand.  I still don't.  But I know there are things of God we aren't supposed to know right now.  I have to trust Him, knowing He created you the perfect way He wanted you, so you could bring glory to Him.

Two days after you were gone, my daughter turned 2 years old.  It was a bittersweet day for me, knowing how you had impacted HER life, and how God used you to show me how to love her the way she deserved.  I don't know if she will remember you, but someday I will remind her of you and share with her how God used you in both of our lives.

Tears flow as I write this, thinking of how I have changed, all because you were born one year ago today.  I'm praising God for allowing you to be here, even though for a short time.  I'm thankful you are spending your first birthday with him, complete and pain free.

I look forward to meeting you one day, and giving you the hug I've always wanted to share.

And I'll continue to pray for your mommy and daddy, knowing they miss you tons more than I.

God is good, and His ways are perfect.  In this I trust!

With Love,
Amy and Ruby