A decade ago my life came to a crashing halt. God allowed the life that I knew to become completely dismembered and destroyed. The pain and shame of that time in my life is still as real as ever if I allow it to be and still have to make the conscious decision to remember grace and forgiveness.
I have no doubt God allowed my life then to be taken to nothing in order to rebuild me. If a building has a crack in its foundation, the only way to make sure it is completely safe and working for its purpose is to tear it down and rebuild the foundation. In an architectural setting, this is devastating, both for reputation and financial loss. The pain comes in many areas and the thought of rebuilding isn't joyful unless a good ending has been promised.
I had been consumed with an addiction that controlled me and constantly kept me at a distance from my Father. No matter how much I pretended or how hard I tried or desired, there was a blockade up preventing me from resting and growing in Him.
I had fought this addiction for more than half of my life. Hard to imagine, but it had began in Junior High and continued well into my teaching years. When I think back during those years I know that the only thing that kept me alive at some of the worst times had to be my Father. There's no other explanation.
One of my closest friends, who was beside me then and somehow, has still been with me, called me to meet her to 'celebrate' this 10 year anniversary. When I got there, the first thing she did was quote Isaiah 61:1:
"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,"
It's a verse I love and haven't thought about in a while, but then she explained why she chose that particular verse.
When my world fell apart, I was also put under church discipline. Part of my discipline was to attend the ladies Bible study at church. This dear friend was leading the Bible study, which just so happened to be 'Breaking Free' by Beth Moore. Isaiah 61:1 was the key verse to that Bible study. I don't remember much of the Bible study, mostly because I was in pieces and also angry that this had been forced on me. I do remember memorizing the verse, but with the attitude of little belief that what this verse was saying could really happen. There are times when we are so broken we can't see the truth in the Truth Himself.
When she reminded me of this Bible study and verse, I got tears in my eyes (NOT a crier here at all!). I responded with simply...'wow...'
There's obviously been growth in the ten years and a changed attitude and different perspective, but wow. My Father proved that verse to be true to me much more than I could have ever imagined. It gives me chills and an amazing peacefulness to see the truth in that verse that I couldn't see ten years ago. The other thing it gives me is hope. Hope that His Word is truth. What He says in His Word WILL happen. I may not see immediate results based on what my sinful human self wants to see, but in His time He proves over and over His promises to us.
This all came at His perfect timing as well. The past few weeks have been some of the hardest I've dealt with in a long time. At one point reaching the ten year anniversary was even at risk. Satan did not want me to make that milestone and the attack was vicious. I'm thankful for those who prayed me through who didn't even know what was going on, and for this sweet friend again, who knew and prayed hard despite the busyness of her own life.
Freedom for the captives. Ten years of freedom for this captive in this area. What an encouragement to let Him give me freedom in other areas of my life in which I'm still captive!
"To God be the glory, great things He hath done!"
Where's the like button? God is good. :)
ReplyDelete