A Dance with Memories

She stared at the picture on her phone quietly. It had been fourteen months in the process; a long year of hard work, long distance trips, cleaning, sorting, and hours of entertaining children in an empty house.

The last few months she hadn't been a part of the process. Life didn't work out that way and she was stranded in another state, in another lifetime, physically and emotionally separated from the final details.

Over and over those last few months she had heard the words, "whenever we get it ready to sell." They were repeated so often that they were merely words that held little weight. Even the week before it seemed an eternity away before the last details caused the phone call to be made, the sign to be placed, the keys relinquished, and the picture to unexpectedly arrive on her phone.

At first, there were no emotions. She was one to hide emotions, to bury them, to keep them tied down as much as possible, for nothing good ever came from them. As she stared at the sign, memories slowly began creeping back into her mind. Memories begging for attention for what might be their last appearance in her mind, as they knew this meant this would close out that chapter of her life and they may never have the chance to dance again.

Memories of her dad came first. This had been his home. This had been his last home. Despite it being eight years since his passing, she could still see him sitting in the white, plastic lawn chair every time she turned into the long drive. There he sat, waiting for whomever, with his arms folded across his belly and his wild, curly black hair waving in every direction. After he died, that chair sat there for a very long time. Even after it was gone, it was forever etched in that place and would appear when her memory collided with reality.

Her heart then ached for her little sister, who had lived in the house her entire life. She remembered the day the blanketed bundle arrived home from the hospital, screaming her big, bald head off. From that day on, it was always more her sister's home and she wondered how her sister's heart was feeling.

Random good memories then took over, taking her back to a five year old child, seeing the house for the first time. The memories began coming faster and jumbled, time jumping the three decades she had known the house.

When they slowed, her smile stayed behind.

Then the good memories stopped and as hard as she tried to distract herself into her present day responsibilities and ignore what she knew was coming, she was quickly clouded with the memories she had often prayed she'd forget.

She had settled the matter years before with God. He had taken her broken life and pieced it into a beautiful picture that only He could do. Forgiveness reigned and anger died.  Yet as much as she asked, the memories had never been taken away.  Although they didn't hold power over her the way they used to, they still affected her deeply. As they danced their dark dance into her mind and threatened her heart and stability, she was torn between fighting them off and facing them hopefully one last time.

In her eyes, the timing was horrible. She was barely surviving life at the moment and was torn between giving up the life she had or walking away into the unknown. She didn't have the strength to dance with the bad memories now. She feared they would then overtake her with their darkness and she would be lost again.

She became angry at the unfairness of their creeping in and felt as if the freedom she had claimed years before was being thrown cruelly in her face.

"I'm supposed to be free from this!" she yelled.  Angry tears flooded her eyes. She tossed her phone on the counter and began days of being filled with wild emotions, raw pain, and tiredness.

Three days later her phone went off again. She reluctantly read the message, knowing she may end up throwing her phone across the room. Instead, she read these words:

                       "The first showing was yesterday. Today those same people made an offer and we accepted it. The house is now sold."

The words stung at first, perhaps because all the good memories had winced and feared definite extinction. She reassured them that she was keeping them as long as she possibly could.

Then a peace came to her, as she realized those bad memories that continued to hold her hostage could now be let go. The place in those memories weren't a part of her life anymore and the claws of the bad memories loosened yet again.

God had freed her heart of the pain years ago.

Now He had freed her mind.