Freedom

I woke up today with the word 'freedom' on my mind.

It's a theme God has been using on me the past few weeks; reminders here and there of ways He has freed me in the past and encouragement that He can free me now.

I have a lot of resistance and reluctance to the option of being free. It makes absolutely no sense.

Hundreds of years ago, what slave wouldn't have gladly taken the option of freedom? They might have chosen to stay where they were and continue what they were doing, but with a new mindset that they were FREE. It would be a different life.

What prisoner in the local jail wouldn't run as fast as possible if suddenly taken to the door and told they were free?  It would deeply affect their life even if they didn't deserve it.

What addict wouldn't be forever grateful if they were suddenly healed and free from an addiction that had been destroying their lives? If they were given a better replacement for their choice, why wouldn't they take it?

My last example hits home for me because I've been an addict before. By nature I have high addictive tendencies. One addiction He freed me from a decade ago, yet I still find myself struggling. However, He freed me and I have no reason to want to choose that over Him. However, because of the selfish way my mind works, I still struggle.

He's freed me from a situation that harmed me in many ways. A situation that so much horribleness came from, yet when He freed me, I could see His hand and give Him all the glory. I could learn to be thankful because of this situation and use it for Him instead of giving Satan the satisfaction of ruining another life.

Every single time I've been in a place of sin, whether my sin or someone else's, He's given me a way out. He's allowed me to find a path to freedom. I've seen I Corinthians 10:13 played out in my life over and over: "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. But God is FAITHFUL and will not allow you to be tempted more than you can handle, but with the temptation will give you a way to escape so you will be able to bear it."

There have been times I chose to ignore that path and continue in my sin, and I am extremely thankful that He didn't just let me go. He had to break me completely before I turned to Him. That stubborn heart I carry inside me has caused some deep injury several times.

I must enjoy being miserable. I must enjoy being in pain and suffering through situations that I've either caused or choose not to get out of. Otherwise I would make the right choice sooner. Again, it makes absolutely no sense.

'O ye of little faith' immediately comes to mind.

My chains this time are different than those dejected situations and chosen addictions. I see those as obvious things that can be fixed. Someone hurts you; get away from them. Chosen addiction; seek help and step away.

The battle I'm having with my own brain seems too elusive to fix.

If there was something physically wrong with my brain, such as a tumor or infection, then yes, that would be an 'easy' fix.  Some days I actually think this would be easier than the mental torture of my mind itself.

When it's an issue with my mind, my feelings, my control, it seems too far out there to be fixable.

Yes, there are medications. On them.

Yes, there are psychiatrists/psychologists who will charge me $$$ to simply listen to me. I don't trust them.

Yes, there is shock therapy.  Haha, okay, you get my drift.

Because it feels like something that isn't easily pinpointed, I don't feel fixable. I can't fix me, and that is hard for me to accept because my personality is I'm a fixer of all people.  No one else can fix me. People (who aren't professionals) don't know how to deal with people who aren't normal. They tend to ignore, overlook, or bully those who are different.

If I follow this flow chart I've made, then that leads me to this thought: then God can't fix me either.

In case you're wondering if He just rained fire and brimstone on me, He didn't. I'm still here. He knows my heart is weak and my mind is hurting and even more, He knows deep down I don't really believe that statement.

He CAN fix me.

In fact, I'm already fixed.

I had forgotten that until a friend reminded me.

One thing she said that has stuck out in my mind is that 'fixed doesn't mean perfect.'

I will NEVER ever be perfect while here on earth. Trying to achieve perfection is futile and to be upset because it can't be achieved is ludicrous.

Instead of expecting my brain to work perfectly and 'normally', I need to accept that He has created it with this 'flaw' for whatever reason.  Although there are negatives associated with this flaw, it doesn't mean I can't learn to live positively with it and even more, it doesn't mean I can't use it for His glory.

Mental diseases are greatly overlooked, ignored, misdiagnosed and even condemned in the Christian world. I've mentioned before that it is often seen as a sin issue and result of not walking with God the way we should. Christians who struggle with this live a constantly condemned life, full of confusion and hurt.

If I let God do whatever He wills through this and realize I CAN be free of the negative behavior and life, then maybe, just maybe, He can use me to help someone else who is struggling.

Even the great Paul in the Bible was given a thorn in his side that God chose not to remove, despite Paul's begging. When Paul accepted that (whatever it was), he expresses the freedom he found and although we don't know what it was, I'm sure it was then used for God's glory.

I am already free.

Galatians 5:1~"For freedom Christ has set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery."

I am already rescued.

Colossians  1:13~"God has rescued us out of the power of darkness..."


I need to stop fighting. I need to accept my freedom. I need to trust Him more.

Psalm 91:14-16~"Because you love me, I will rescue you. I will protect you because you know My name. When you call to me, I will answer you. I will be with you when you are in trouble. I will save you and honor you. I will satisfy you with a long life. I will show you how I will save you."