This morning, before she woke up, knocking on her door to be 'released' (her door is broken so she can't open it alone), I prayed that God would give me soft words towards her today. That He would help my speech be kind, loving, but still firm. And I prayed for patience... (I think I repeated that one a few times...). I want to show Christ to her through my words and actions, and I know I haven't been doing that lately.
I want my words to her reflect my heart for her, and not the frustration she causes. God was really pressing that on me.
She not only looks like me, she has my stubborn, determined, independent personality. Sometimes I'm proud of that, but most of the time it irritates me. Like looking in a mirror and seeing what I still haven't changed even as an adult. That makes me think: if I act like her in my everyday life, how does God deal with me? He has corrected me (more times than I'd like to mention), and sometimes there were severe consequences, yet I always knew He loved me. I always felt His comforting presence, not a condemning one.
I prayed I would treat her the same way, no matter how many times I had to discipline her that day.
And then a few hours later, she fell and broke her nose. My tough, go-getter, determined girl was screaming in real pain for the first time in her life. She was so very pitiful. While driving her to the doctor, I actually thought, 'maybe God allowed this so she would be pitiful and it would be easier for me to speak kindly to her'. ha. that's sad. :P It's also the thought of a very frustrated, what-to-do-with-her, mommy.She fell asleep on the way to the doctor, and upon arriving was right back into her happy, stubborn self. Her nose was obviously hurting, but it didn't slow her down. The doctor and nurses were amazed. I was a bit disappointed. At least ACT like it hurts so the doctor doesn't think I'm nuts. I then realized, even if she had broken her leg, she still probably would have been wreaking havoc on the office as best as she could...
Her nose is broken, and although a bit more whiny and clingy than usual, she is still into everything, climbing as high as she can and jumping off, pushing her big brother's buttons, and using her nose to make me want to puke. (I have quite a high pain tolerance, but injuries to the nose make me want to vomit). She has discovered this and uses it against me. ICK!
By the time I medicated her (again) and tucked her into bed, I had learned something. Yes, she is a sinner (quite a good one in fact). Yes, I need to correct her SIN, but not her personality. God made her stubborn, determined and independent because He has plans for her that require her to be this way. He created her this way for His glory and His purpose. My job isn't to change that, it's to teach her to use it for Him.
So I will bite my tongue when I want to yell, catch my words when they are unkind, and use the Word to help convict her and teach her what is right.
Hopefully she doesn't make me die young, like I often say, so I can see what God does with her someday! :)
i've had to come to this same conclusion with thing one. the first few years of his life were SO difficult. i felt like i was always yelling, always annoyed, always frustrated and always clueless. it was like an "aha" moment when i realized that my parenting needs to be less about his annoying traits and more about being like Jesus to him. it was so freeing! i no longer obsess about changing him or making him fit a certain mold, but rather being the representative of the only One Who can change his heart, and being ready to accept him unconditionally.
ReplyDeletesometimes it seems like God uses our children to teach us more than we are teaching them!