Zero

A couple of months ago, this thought suddenly popped into my head:

I'm going to die unless I lose this weight.


The specific moment I had that thought was not during a weight check, binging, exercising or really absolutely nothing to do with anything concerning weight loss.

It's always in the back of my mind lately though.

Due to six years of infertility, severe depression, and TONS of fertility medications, I gained a whopping amount of weight.  I gained more with my first pregnancy, but lost all the baby weight by 11 weeks postpartum.  I gained with my second pregnancy, and lost all that baby weight by 12 weeks postpartum.

I was back to the same number, unfortunately it was still a rather large number.

Between baby #2 and baby #3, two great things happened.  I bucked up and joined weight watchers with a friend.  I proceeded to lose 41 pounds.  I also had to start taking a medication, which had a side effect of appetite suppressant.

Then baby #3 surprised us (happily!), and suddenly my body went into revolt or something!  I started gaining weight faster than I ever had before.  I gained exactly 11 pounds my first 5 months of pregnancy... and NOT total, PER MONTH!!!  That was almost my total for my first pregnancy, and over my total for the entire second! I was outraged!

Here I had worked my tail off (almost literally) for the past 6 months, and suddenly that was all thrown out the window?!?!  Once I passed my beloved '41', I started crying in the doctor's office.  I asked her what in the world was going on, and the answer she gave me made total sense, but was totally laughable:  because I had lost so much weight just prior to getting pregnant, my body didn't know how to respond to the new hormones and began gaining weight twice as fast.

Really?  I was being punished for losing weight??

Her second answer:  my hormones had collided with my medication and they didn't agree.  the hormones took over the medication and turned them against me.

What was this?  Some sick 'we gotta maker her fat again' war going on in my body?

It didn't matter what I did, I continued to gain.

At my 6 month check, I had dropped to *only* gaining 6 pounds.  And 6 it was for every single month til baby 3 made his entrance.

Alright, I thought.  Now baby is out, and this *many* pounds I've gained will be gone in 12 weeks.

WRONG.

In the first 12 weeks I had only lost maybe 7 of the baby pounds.  Then I gained a few back, lost one, gained a few more, lost one... you get it.

I could spend a week eating only veggies and working out 2 hours a day to only end in losing zero (and some weeks I even GAINED).

I got the same results if I sat around all day and ate nothing but pizza and junk.

Here I am 7 months out and I've gotten nowhere.

I admit my motivation the past few months has been at level zero.

And this was after the thought above had popped into my head.

My motivation seems to be at zero in almost every area of my life the past few months.  Even if I do what is right (daily time in the Word, prayer, priorities) it doesn't seem to matter.  I just can't find that I care the way I should be... the way I need to.

Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE my family with my whole heart.  My hubby and kids are the world to me.  I don't WANT to die, but if I don't lose this weight then I can't be surprised if it does kill me.

Goodness, shouldn't that be motivation enough?

If you're reading this, and you pray, please pray for me to have the motivation I need.  Pray I figure something out soon...

... part 2

She got her stitches out on Sunday.  

She fell down 12 wooden basement stairs on Thursday.

Thursday was Thanksgiving.

Thankfully, almost all damage was to her face and head.

Well, not really thankfully, but at least nothing was broken.

I need to make time to actually write a REAL blogpost.  

Maybe then it won't be so filled with my little daredevil and all her owies...

Goodness.

...

I'm not sure I really need to say anything for this post.

But, I'm going to.

First of all, in this picture, she is missing one of the five stitches.  

She pulled it out herself.

If I felt like it, I would post a second picture.

The second picture would be of her missing two of the five stitches.

She pulled another one out today.

The doctor and nurse who did the sutures thought I was stupid for asking 

if she would be able to take them out.

But I didn't feel stupid, because I knew.

She cried MAYBE a total of 30 seconds through this entire incident.

One of my many qualities I'm actually glad she inherited.

I love her and I'm thankful for her.  

Despite having two boys, my life would be SUPER dull without her in it.  

That's just who she is.  

That's just how God made her.

And I'm thankful he created her this way because I know

there will always be an adventure happening in our lives!

Selfishly Doing Our Part

Recently, my hubby and I decided to make Mondays 'screen free' days.

To our family, this will mean that both TV's and the computer will be unplugged (literally) from Sunday night until Tuesday morning.  Unplugged, because otherwise they still use electricity when plugged in, despite being off.

Now some of you may be thinking, "Good for them!  We all need less TV in our lives!"

Or maybe, "Every family needs more focused family time!"

Or maybe even, "Good job in conserving energy and helping out our planet!"  Every little bit helps, right?

Well, sorry to disappoint you, but none of the above reasons were our primary reason.  Yes, they were bullet points to our main reason, but in all honesty, we are simply being selfish.

Maybe that's a bit harsh?

Our main reason for doing so is to help cut down on our electric bill.  Obviously with less sunlight during the winter, this means more lights on in the home for a longer time.  We are hoping by cutting out just one day, that our electric bill won't skyrocket like every winter.

Like most people, we are 'hurting' for money.  We have slowly been digging ourselves out of the first eleven years of our marriage and debt that incurred with that, but still have a long way to go.  Bryan's last payment for his summer job comes in mid-September, and from then til June we struggle, living mostly paycheck to paycheck.  Often by February our bills even begin to fall behind, due to the higher gas and electric bills during winter.

We're hoping with my new job with Tastefully Simple (www.tastefullysimple.com/web/aking3), that the little bit of income will help keep the bills from falling behind.  So far, all income has gone back into the business, but we have seen improvement in profit and parties, so that's encouraging!

Like my plug? :) Ha.

Until then, grocery shopping slows to once every 6-8 weeks, furnace is kept as low as possible, and candles are used not only as mood setters and fragrancing the house, but to help keep the lights off just a bit longer.

Which is where our idea of screen free Mondays came from.  Every little bit helps.

And as positives, we do experience less boob tube time, the more focused family time, and a tiny part of conserving energy for the planet (even though I think this is pointless.  another post for another time.)  :)

So far we've had two of these Mondays.  Ruby is having it the hardest since she has recently discovered Dora on Netflix.  Noah is having the easiest time, and has been the biggest cheerleader for it, which surprised us both.  Bryan and I enjoyed the first one, but after a trying day yesterday, all we wanted to do was veg in front of the tv and let our brains turn to mush.

Don't worry, we didn't give in. He just went to bed at 9, and Zane and I played til 11.  (Can you tell which of us is addicted to the TV the most?). ;)

I'm looking forward to more though.  I feel so much more motivated, the kids and I dance to music ALL day long, and we just enjoy each other.

Well, except when little sisters pick and pick and pick then shove us and we shove back, resulting in 5 stitches for her forehead...  :P  (blogpost for later)

Maybe the more focused family time isn't the best idea??

Ha.