WORST. WEEK. EVER.
well, not EVER as in ever, but ever as in the 11 weeks I've been working these goals.
I didn't exercise at all. ZERO, not even once... Thankfully, it was a variety of reasons and not that I didn't want to work out. I actually missed it, and even more missed my Lydie!! Ruby was sick all week (and is still sick as I type this) so there went any time at the gym during the day. My sister came for a few days and I spent that time helping with last minute wedding stuff as well as spoiling my sister. ;) My husband worked 3 extra evenings and then Friday we celebrated his birthday, so any time I could've gone in the evening without the kids was out as well.
I'm not really frustrated with the not working out thing, because it was all outside influences, not my personal motivation that prevented it. What I am VERY upset about is my eating!
My eating has been 98% super since I started 11 weeks ago. Healthier foods, smaller portions, and timed eating has been my regime every day. In January we ate out ZERO times. In February we ate out ONCE (Valentine's Day). Last week alone I ate out 5 times, 4 of those being fast food (BLECH!!). I was horrified last night when I was counting my meals out this week. Horrible, Horrible, Awful eating!!!!
I will be the first to admit that fast food is a weakness for me. I'm not sure why. I've experimented before (while on WW) and after 2 weeks with zero fast food, and then having fast food one time (even something as little as a small fry), I immediately feel sick! It's a thick, greasy, sludgy feeling in my body! But once I've eaten fast food twice within a few days, I don't notice it. Like my body has already adjusted to the nastiness. Then I don't feel guilty about eating it yet again, because I know I won't feel yucky. {actually, it means I've just gotten used to the yucky feeling}.
Also, it is not in our BUDGET to eat out like this! January we budgeted zero for out to eat, February we budgeted only for Valentine's Day at White Castle, and March we only budgeted for Bryan's birthday at a sit down restaurant.
Obviously I've put us over budget for March.
Ugh.
So when I got ready for my weigh in this morning (which simply requires feeding the baby), I was expecting a HUGE gain. And I was ready for it. I was ready to be angry and motivated.
And yes, I gained.
3 pounds.
3.
THREE??? That's it?? I gained 4 lbs two weeks ago when I was eating healthy AND working out!!!
That is NOT motivation to stop splurging on fast food.
Yeah, it's a GAIN, and NO, not happy about it. Thankfully I do feel BLAH and have little energy, so that right there is motivation to get back to healthy eating. I don't have time to have little energy!
So my total weight loss is 10lbs and after 11 weeks that is just not acceptable. I have less than two weeks until I get to wear my beautiful bridesmaid dress so I need to KICK IT! Unfortunately my trainer is in Florida for Spring Break, so this week is all on me. Hoping HOPING my kids get better so I can get back to the gym during the day.
I am also reigning in my eating, NO more fast food, back to healthy, smaller portions made at home!
Resetting my weight loss goals today for the next two weeks, month and 2 months.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Weight Loss Week 10 Update
Overall it was a pretty good week! I could've gotten in more exercise, but can't we all! ;)
Here's the wrap up:
Exercise Update:
This week I worked out for FIVE days.
Mon. Tues ~ 1 1/2 hours with my trainer
Wed. 1/2 hr cardio
Thursday~ nothing. Was supposed to have an hour with my trainer, but a little bully who was mean to my son changed those plans...
Friday~ nothing formal
This week I worked out for FIVE days.
Mon. Tues ~ 1 1/2 hours with my trainer
Wed. 1/2 hr cardio
Thursday~ nothing. Was supposed to have an hour with my trainer, but a little bully who was mean to my son changed those plans...
Friday~ nothing formal
Saturday~ 30 minutes of cardio
Measurements:
Weight~ LOST 4 lbs
Arms~ Left-LOST 0 inches Right-LOST 0 inches
Chest~ LOST 0 inches
Waist~ LOST 1/2 inch
Hips~ LOST 1 1/2 inches
Thighs~ Left-LOST 3/4 inch Right-LOST 1 inch
Calves~ Left-LOST 0 inches Right-LOST 0 inches
TOTALS:
Weight~ 13 lbs
Arms~ 6 1/2 inches (total)
Chest~ 4 1/2 inches
Waist~ 7 inches
Hips~ 6 inches
Thighs~ 7 3/4 inches (total)
Calves~same as first measurement
Pretty good. VERY glad to have lost those 4 I gained last week. Hoping to pass the 15 lb mark after this week! I only have my trainer this week, then she is gone for a week for spring break. Hoping to kick it this week while I have her!!
How are you doing in your weight loss endeavors?!? What can I do to encourage you?
Friday, March 11, 2011
A lesson learned from TWO diapers.
God is always present.
I believe that 100%.
However, there are times when I 'feel' He is distant.
And there are times when I 'feel' He is closer than imaginable.
No matter how I feel, the fact that He is always with me, always watching me, always caring for me is true.
He's been showing Himself to me in different ways recently. Ways that you can only step back and say 'WOW, God is in this!'
I had a situation last week when the Holy Spirit prompted me to pray for a certain friend in a certain, very specific way. There was absolutely no reason at all for me to even think my friend needed prayer in this area. I hadn't even spoken to her in a few days before this happened. Had no clue that this was even going on in her life.
It was only through Him I prayed for her that day, in that specific way.
Honestly, it kinda freaked us both out. Ha.
It's not that we doubt our God (I'm throwing 'we' in here without permission, so it really should say I). Not at all.
For me, I tend to get so wrapped up in life, so wrapped up in being mommy, wife, cook, housecleaner (or attempter to clean), taxi driver, organizer, calendar keeper, all knowing of how our family and home run every second of every day, that I often forget Who is really in control.
God isn't a side dish. He's not there to compliment me. He's the main dish. I'm blessed to compliment Him.
I'm thankful for the times when He shows Himself in ways that remind me of His total control in my life. I'm thankful He loves me enough to be right here, involved in every detail, leading and guiding.
Maybe if I would step away from myself more often, I would be able to see and experience these 'wow' moments on a regular basis.
I was motivated by this post by a small, seemingly insignificant occurrence that happened this afternoon.
I am a cloth diapering loving mommy. The money I have saved in 3 years has just blown me away. I'm very aware of when I'm almost out of diapers, and have them washed and ready when needed. However, because of my crazy busy day yesterday, I forgot.
Ever not had a diaper before?
Well, I had 2 left, and put my youngest in one of those before leaving this morning. I went to a friend's house after gymnastics, where after eating lunch, he needed changed. No big deal. Usually the next diaper would last for about 5-6 hours (most of that being naptime).
But for some strange reason (and because it's what babies do), he filled his diaper again just an hour later. really? really??
I have an older washer/dryer, so doing a load of diapers (in the way they need done) takes forever. On the way home I was trying to figure out what to put him in. My friend had offered a diaper before I left, but I HATE taking diapers from other people because they are NOT cheap! I actually was going to, but child chaos caused my mind to go elsewhere, and the thought didn't come back til I was almost home. I had 2/3 sleeping children, and did NOT want to wake them up to go into a store to buy diapers with money I didn't budget for diapers. ugh.
I decided I was just going to duct tape a towel on him. ;)
It wasn't a crisis, but it was a frustration. A frustrated mommy is never a good mommy.
Then I pulled into my driveway and saw a large white envelope on top of my mailbox.
It was marked 'YOUR FREE SAMPLE HAS ARRIVED' (yep, not ashamed, i do request free samples of things i normally use).
I bet you'll never guess what was in that white envelope.
2 Free disposable diapers I had requested who knows how many weeks/months ago.
Not just ONE. Two. I really should've only needed one, but He took away the worry of 'will he need one before the diapers are dry'. He didn't have to.
I don't understand how people can think God isn't involved in our lives. He loves us enough to intervene even in situations that are seemingly insignificant in this life.
You can't tell me it was coincidence. You can't tell me it just happened to work out this way.
He is here.
He is involved.
He loves us.
He planned this lesson out for me before the world was created.
Now that's pretty neat.
I believe that 100%.
However, there are times when I 'feel' He is distant.
And there are times when I 'feel' He is closer than imaginable.
No matter how I feel, the fact that He is always with me, always watching me, always caring for me is true.
He's been showing Himself to me in different ways recently. Ways that you can only step back and say 'WOW, God is in this!'
I had a situation last week when the Holy Spirit prompted me to pray for a certain friend in a certain, very specific way. There was absolutely no reason at all for me to even think my friend needed prayer in this area. I hadn't even spoken to her in a few days before this happened. Had no clue that this was even going on in her life.
It was only through Him I prayed for her that day, in that specific way.
Honestly, it kinda freaked us both out. Ha.
It's not that we doubt our God (I'm throwing 'we' in here without permission, so it really should say I). Not at all.
For me, I tend to get so wrapped up in life, so wrapped up in being mommy, wife, cook, housecleaner (or attempter to clean), taxi driver, organizer, calendar keeper, all knowing of how our family and home run every second of every day, that I often forget Who is really in control.
God isn't a side dish. He's not there to compliment me. He's the main dish. I'm blessed to compliment Him.
I'm thankful for the times when He shows Himself in ways that remind me of His total control in my life. I'm thankful He loves me enough to be right here, involved in every detail, leading and guiding.
Maybe if I would step away from myself more often, I would be able to see and experience these 'wow' moments on a regular basis.
I was motivated by this post by a small, seemingly insignificant occurrence that happened this afternoon.
I am a cloth diapering loving mommy. The money I have saved in 3 years has just blown me away. I'm very aware of when I'm almost out of diapers, and have them washed and ready when needed. However, because of my crazy busy day yesterday, I forgot.
Ever not had a diaper before?
Well, I had 2 left, and put my youngest in one of those before leaving this morning. I went to a friend's house after gymnastics, where after eating lunch, he needed changed. No big deal. Usually the next diaper would last for about 5-6 hours (most of that being naptime).
But for some strange reason (and because it's what babies do), he filled his diaper again just an hour later. really? really??
I have an older washer/dryer, so doing a load of diapers (in the way they need done) takes forever. On the way home I was trying to figure out what to put him in. My friend had offered a diaper before I left, but I HATE taking diapers from other people because they are NOT cheap! I actually was going to, but child chaos caused my mind to go elsewhere, and the thought didn't come back til I was almost home. I had 2/3 sleeping children, and did NOT want to wake them up to go into a store to buy diapers with money I didn't budget for diapers. ugh.
I decided I was just going to duct tape a towel on him. ;)
It wasn't a crisis, but it was a frustration. A frustrated mommy is never a good mommy.
Then I pulled into my driveway and saw a large white envelope on top of my mailbox.
It was marked 'YOUR FREE SAMPLE HAS ARRIVED' (yep, not ashamed, i do request free samples of things i normally use).
I bet you'll never guess what was in that white envelope.
2 Free disposable diapers I had requested who knows how many weeks/months ago.
Not just ONE. Two. I really should've only needed one, but He took away the worry of 'will he need one before the diapers are dry'. He didn't have to.
I don't understand how people can think God isn't involved in our lives. He loves us enough to intervene even in situations that are seemingly insignificant in this life.
You can't tell me it was coincidence. You can't tell me it just happened to work out this way.
He is here.
He is involved.
He loves us.
He planned this lesson out for me before the world was created.
Now that's pretty neat.
March 10 on 10
Yesterday was INSANELY busy, so my pictures were not very good, and few and far between. I don't have time to edit them either, so what you get is what you get, even the ones snapped one handed. :P I didn't want to miss two months in a row though!
Okay, let's see what we got...
We've been having a night time visitor lately. :) We don't mind... they grow up way too fast!
Okay, let's see what we got...
We've been having a night time visitor lately. :) We don't mind... they grow up way too fast!
Every Morning.
Breakfast is 'on the go' on Thursdays.
I work the childcare at the gym on Thursdays in exchange for FREE membership. :)
THIS is my AWESOME TRAINER, Lydie! Now you have a beautiful face to see whenever I mention her. :) (btw, this pic is staged, so please don't critique her). ;)
Head Start in the Duck Room!
Rain/Snow Mix. Spring, anyone?
I am a Tastefully Simple Consultant and had a WONDERFUL party!!
My Drive home. Texting and driving is illegal, but taking pictures and driving apparently is perfectly okay.
Daddy was in charge of dinner tonight, can you tell?
(but I'm thankful their daddy feeds them!)
And because technically I'm posting this on the 11th, here's an extra pic of my adorable youngest! His new favorite thing to do is chew on the head of ONLY the daddy to the dollhouse. ;) SO STINKING CUTE! :)
Want to share your day on the 10th with 10 pictures?? Go to this amazing blog for more info and to link up your pics! It really is a LOT of fun and a nice change to a normal day! :)
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Rooted in Love
I felt a little guilty last night for dumping myself out on my blog, but then I wondered why... Reading it is your choice, and what I share is mine.
Also, I'm so tired of people who are struggling and feel like they need to hide it because it comes across as weakness, lack of faith or trust, or not being the Christian we're 'expected' to be.
As I thought about that last sentence, I realized in fact that it's the opposite. When we keep our struggles in, we limit the prayer and interceding that can come from those who love us.
Instead of weakness, it shows strength... It's not easy to admit failure or struggles.
Instead of lack of faith, it shows I believe that God hears and works through His children.
Expectations? I'm expected to strive to be more like Christ in everything I do. Even He asked for help...
I'm not perfect, and I hope I never come across that way to anyone.
So there's my little disclaimer. ;)
Yesterday continued to be a tough day. He allowed those questions I was presented with to linger in my mind all day. I'm thankful He did, because it changed my attitude through the day. I would have much rather blocked them out and kept being angry.
I met with Lydie (my trainer) ;) yesterday morning, and worked quite a bit of anger out. I then left the gym and discovered a beautiful, completely flat tire on my van.
I did NOT have time for a flat tire. I had too much running around to do, some of it due to having a broken van just a week and a half ago! I limped to the nearest gas station and put air into it, and upon arriving home it was flat again. By the time I left to take Noah to school 20 minutes later, it was dead flat...
Which meant I had to walk him to school. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind walking, but it was 40 degrees out, and I was starting to fall behind in what I had to do for the day, as well as having to cancel Ruby's makeup gymnastics class she was supposed to be at in a few short minutes...
God gave me that extra 40 minutes of walking time to work off some more anger, and to spend time praying and thinking. By the time I arrived home, I was spiritually exhausted.
I ended up with the realization that my anger was rooted in my discontentment.
Being content is not a new struggle for me.
As I thought through my discontentment, and thoughts of my flat tire (yeah, i know kinda odd... but they were the two main things on my mind), I realized something:
His plans are way better than any I could ever imagine.
I've always loved the verse in Jeremiah 29:11~ 'For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'
It's not a new concept. In fact, I find myself stating it often... God's ways are better.
So if I know that, then why the discontentment?
I haven't gotten quite that far yet. sorry.
As I continued to think on it throughout the day, I kept coming back to one simple fact: He loves me.
He loves me enough to challenge my heart.
He loves me enough to remind me of His grace.
He loves me enough to take me down paths I would not choose otherwise, so I can be more like Him.
He loves me enough to give me a flat tire, force me to change my busy plans, and not allow me to run away from difficulties.
He loves me enough to not be hurt by my anger and questions, but is patient and encouraging.
I'm not finished answering the questions posed to me yesterday, but my anger is gone. It was replaced by the knowledge of His love for me.
I will fail, I will question, I will be discontent, but it will always end in the realization that He loves me, no matter what.
Also, I'm so tired of people who are struggling and feel like they need to hide it because it comes across as weakness, lack of faith or trust, or not being the Christian we're 'expected' to be.
As I thought about that last sentence, I realized in fact that it's the opposite. When we keep our struggles in, we limit the prayer and interceding that can come from those who love us.
Instead of weakness, it shows strength... It's not easy to admit failure or struggles.
Instead of lack of faith, it shows I believe that God hears and works through His children.
Expectations? I'm expected to strive to be more like Christ in everything I do. Even He asked for help...
I'm not perfect, and I hope I never come across that way to anyone.
So there's my little disclaimer. ;)
Yesterday continued to be a tough day. He allowed those questions I was presented with to linger in my mind all day. I'm thankful He did, because it changed my attitude through the day. I would have much rather blocked them out and kept being angry.
I met with Lydie (my trainer) ;) yesterday morning, and worked quite a bit of anger out. I then left the gym and discovered a beautiful, completely flat tire on my van.
I did NOT have time for a flat tire. I had too much running around to do, some of it due to having a broken van just a week and a half ago! I limped to the nearest gas station and put air into it, and upon arriving home it was flat again. By the time I left to take Noah to school 20 minutes later, it was dead flat...
Which meant I had to walk him to school. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind walking, but it was 40 degrees out, and I was starting to fall behind in what I had to do for the day, as well as having to cancel Ruby's makeup gymnastics class she was supposed to be at in a few short minutes...
God gave me that extra 40 minutes of walking time to work off some more anger, and to spend time praying and thinking. By the time I arrived home, I was spiritually exhausted.
I ended up with the realization that my anger was rooted in my discontentment.
Being content is not a new struggle for me.
As I thought through my discontentment, and thoughts of my flat tire (yeah, i know kinda odd... but they were the two main things on my mind), I realized something:
His plans are way better than any I could ever imagine.
I've always loved the verse in Jeremiah 29:11~ 'For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'
It's not a new concept. In fact, I find myself stating it often... God's ways are better.
So if I know that, then why the discontentment?
I haven't gotten quite that far yet. sorry.
As I continued to think on it throughout the day, I kept coming back to one simple fact: He loves me.
He loves me enough to challenge my heart.
He loves me enough to remind me of His grace.
He loves me enough to take me down paths I would not choose otherwise, so I can be more like Him.
He loves me enough to give me a flat tire, force me to change my busy plans, and not allow me to run away from difficulties.
He loves me enough to not be hurt by my anger and questions, but is patient and encouraging.
I'm not finished answering the questions posed to me yesterday, but my anger is gone. It was replaced by the knowledge of His love for me.
I will fail, I will question, I will be discontent, but it will always end in the realization that He loves me, no matter what.
Weight Loss Week 9 Update
I actually had a VERY good week as far as eating and exercising! I continued to eat less carbs, more fruits and vegetables, less meat, and small portions. I kept the calories cut by 300 still and was surprised at how it has become a routine AND I don't feel hungry! When I don't feel hungry, then the way I'm eating doesn't frustrate me. :)
Exercise Update:
This week I worked out for FIVE days.
Mon. Tues ~ 1 1/2 hours with my trainer
Wed. 1/2 hr cardio
Thursday~ 1 hour with my trainer
Friday~ 20 min cardio (interval training)
Exercise Update:
This week I worked out for FIVE days.
Mon. Tues ~ 1 1/2 hours with my trainer
Wed. 1/2 hr cardio
Thursday~ 1 hour with my trainer
Friday~ 20 min cardio (interval training)
Measurements:
Weight~ GAINED 4 lbs
Arms~ Left-LOST 1 3/4 inches Right-LOST 1 1/2 inches
Chest~ LOST 1/2 inch
Waist~ LOST 1/2 inch
Hips~ LOST 1/2 inch
Thighs~ Left-LOST 0 inch Right-LOST 0 inch
Calves~ Left-LOST 0 inches Right-LOST 0 inches
TOTALS:
Weight~ 9 lbs
Arms~ 6 1/2 inches (total)
Chest~ 4 1/2 inches
Waist~ 6 1/2 inches
Hips~ 4 1/2 inches
Thighs~ 6 inches (total)
Calves~same as first measurement
Can you tell what body part we worked on this week?! My arms SHRUNK in fat and you can see some MUSCLE!! :) YAY!
Not ignoring the 4 lb weight GAIN. I honestly believe it was stress related. I had a Tastefully Simple party both Friday and Saturday, and though I LOVE doing them, I get WAY super nervous and stressed. It's kinda weird and I thought I'd be over it by now, but nope... I'm hoping to see this 4 lbs (+ more) completely gone on Sunday, but I have a TS party on Thursday and Saturday of this week... Advice for calming nerves?!?
I have 24 days (I think?) til the wedding. I'm going to try my bridesmaid dress on this next week and hope it is too big! :D
How are you doing in your weight loss endeavors?!? What can I do to encourage you?
Monday, March 7, 2011
rooted in anger
I was confronted with this question this morning:
What is so important to you that you would allow it to interfere with your peace of God that should be ruling your heart?
The question was preceded by this statement:
Our feelings, thoughts, and choices come from our heart, from what we really want. So what is it that you really want?
The conversation stemmed from an issue that isn't even related to the struggles I posted about yesterday. A totally separate issue that God felt was important enough to take my sleep away during the night.
yay.
She challenged me to think about the above question, and to pray about it. Not a difficult request. I ♥ prayer. I enjoy that time with my Father. However, as I began thinking and praying concerning only this issue, I found myself becoming increasingly angry.
ANGRY.
I spent some of the angry energy on chores (which if you know me, the fact that I'm simply awake before 8 is amazing, let alone cleaning). I stopped praying about it and attempted to stop thinking about it. I found my anger increasing and being taken out on the dogs (who are being STUPID this morning) and a little girl who is up way too early, way too whiny, and way too loud already.
So I made myself sit.
After exhausting the 'normal' websites I visit each morning, I got up and started another load of laundry, and found my mind pondering the question unintentionally and the anger just swelled again.
I decided I'd better sit back down. I opened David Crowder's 'How He Loves' on youtube and just keep replaying it (which is what I did while I blogged yesterday). Then I decided to start writing.
Probably not the smartest thing. This means my post isn't going to be thought out, content unedited, and feelings not censored. Maybe that's a good thing.
I have no idea why I'm so angry. None. Maybe if I stopped long enough to think and pray about THAT issue, I could find an answer.
But I don't want to.
{ha, that's my daughter's all time favorite phrase}
I HATE, HATE even considering the questions she challenged me with. I feel like I could go off on a big rant about unfairness and stupidity when I know He loves me and I'm just being stupid.
So why the anger?
And what in the world do I do with it?
Face it?
nah... what could that accomplish. :P
What is it that I want? What is so important that it is interfering with His peace in my life. What is making me angrier than I've been in a long time?
I don't have time to deal with this...
What is so important to you that you would allow it to interfere with your peace of God that should be ruling your heart?
The question was preceded by this statement:
Our feelings, thoughts, and choices come from our heart, from what we really want. So what is it that you really want?
The conversation stemmed from an issue that isn't even related to the struggles I posted about yesterday. A totally separate issue that God felt was important enough to take my sleep away during the night.
yay.
She challenged me to think about the above question, and to pray about it. Not a difficult request. I ♥ prayer. I enjoy that time with my Father. However, as I began thinking and praying concerning only this issue, I found myself becoming increasingly angry.
ANGRY.
I spent some of the angry energy on chores (which if you know me, the fact that I'm simply awake before 8 is amazing, let alone cleaning). I stopped praying about it and attempted to stop thinking about it. I found my anger increasing and being taken out on the dogs (who are being STUPID this morning) and a little girl who is up way too early, way too whiny, and way too loud already.
So I made myself sit.
After exhausting the 'normal' websites I visit each morning, I got up and started another load of laundry, and found my mind pondering the question unintentionally and the anger just swelled again.
I decided I'd better sit back down. I opened David Crowder's 'How He Loves' on youtube and just keep replaying it (which is what I did while I blogged yesterday). Then I decided to start writing.
Probably not the smartest thing. This means my post isn't going to be thought out, content unedited, and feelings not censored. Maybe that's a good thing.
I have no idea why I'm so angry. None. Maybe if I stopped long enough to think and pray about THAT issue, I could find an answer.
But I don't want to.
{ha, that's my daughter's all time favorite phrase}
I HATE, HATE even considering the questions she challenged me with. I feel like I could go off on a big rant about unfairness and stupidity when I know He loves me and I'm just being stupid.
So why the anger?
And what in the world do I do with it?
Face it?
nah... what could that accomplish. :P
What is it that I want? What is so important that it is interfering with His peace in my life. What is making me angrier than I've been in a long time?
I don't have time to deal with this...
Sunday, March 6, 2011
out-sinning
There's a reason my blogs have been few and far between lately... Just for this post I've gotten up four times since I opened the blogger page... once for each kid, and once for the dogs.
It seems as soon as I SIT, a neon sign flashes saying 'bother mommy now.' You know, like the 'applause' sign in a studio audience.
I could't sleep last night and I almost got up and blogged, but chose not to. Maybe if I start doing it in the middle of the night, I can get more written! ;)
I've had a heavy heart this weekend, and so instead of starting at the top of my list of posts I want to write, I'm just going to start from my heart...
If you're my facebook friend, you may have noticed my status recently about how Satan brings up the past in order to tear down my present. Obviously I'm struggling with the past.
Which, surprisingly, is odd...
but not odd...
If there's anyone who knows He loves me through every situation, it's me. I've faced many different challenges from the sins of others to my own sins, and yet I've always known He loves me.
I also know I'm forgiven by Him.
I've always (as far back as I can remember anyway) had a lower opinion of myself. {let's not get into the whole 'self-esteem' is real or not real argument, k?} I've always been extremely hard on myself, pushing myself for the best, beating myself when I'm not (which is quite often), and very rarely forgiving myself, even for the slightest offense.
It got to the point a few years ago where I had to start telling myself {yes, outloud} that GOD has FORGIVEN me and that was the END. I had to refocus my thoughts onto what was honest and true (thank you Phil. 4:8). It started out as an exercise several times a day, until I was able to convince my heart that it was true.
But it is one of my many weaknesses.
...and Satan knows this...
He isn't stupid. He's not going to attack our strong points. Like any intelligent enemy, he studies and knows us and attacks at our weak points. If he can conquer us in one weak area, then he can move on to the next, and so forth and so on...
I have an ugly past. Most don't know my past, a few know some of my past, and less than that know more.
Sometimes I envy those who give their testimonies and say 'i had a great childhood, never fell into any major sins (haha, major), and lived for God my whole life.'
However, I don't stay envious long. I've learned things from and about my Heavenly Father in ways they never will. I've had experiences with Him that they never will because of the life He chose for me. Of course, they can say the same thing.
You see, He loves us all, and is ever present and working in each of us all the time in many different ways.
Thankfully, He isn't finished with me. I understand this means facing more difficulties and challenges that feel crushing at times, but because of my past and His goodness, I know without a doubt I can come out on the other side stronger and closer to Him than before.
I'm sure you're wondering then why I let past thoughts bother me. Well, it's not like I suddenly decide to think about it. Usually I avoid any and everything having to do with it. I'm not stupid. okay, sometimes I am... ;)
It isn't just thoughts. Satan brings back a person involved in my past. He brings back a tangible item that has only ever had to do with a difficult time with my life. Even 'simple' things such as updating facebook privacy settings easily reminds me of WHY I have to keep myself hidden.
Ha. I totally just laughed at the last statement. Something about the words FACEBOOK and HIDDEN just don't seem to go together! :)
My point is simply that I can keep certain people away from me and my info, which is only necessary because of my past.
Satan has been eating at my heart and mind especially the past week. I've received handwritten notes and emails that have torn my heart. I was reunited with a wonderful friend which is great, except it brought reminders as she helped carry me through an incredibly rough time in my life. I received a phone call from someone whom I had to hang up on... All in the last week.
REALLY?
I just want to know why. Does Satan think I'm due for a breakdown? Due for falling into sin? Due for falling into depression (another weakness of mine). Was I doing too good?
Ha. Yet another statement I laughed at... Please, please, don't think I'm trying to say I've been a good little Christian lately. That is far from the truth! I'm no where near where I should be in my walk with Christ! However, I've not been 'living in sin' as good Southerners say... ;)
Today I had the privilege of going to church. I was reminded all through the service of His grace, His love, His work in my life. We sang Grace Greater than Our Sin as a choir/congregation combo. Grace... what a concept!
Within the sermon, God gave me two amazing verses to cling to today: I John 4:4 and I John 5:4-5..."Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world!" and "Whoever is born of God overcomes the world! Faith is the victory!"
WOW!
He must love me in order to remind me that I AM FORGIVEN, I AM LOVED, I DONT' HAVE TO LIVE UNDER SATAN'S POWER BECAUSE MY GOD IS GREATER...
I came home to look up the history of that hymn, something I've always loved doing, and was disappointed that there really wasn't anything to say about it.
Then I thought, 'does it need an exciting background?' The words alone are amazing. No matter how much I sin, how deep I fall into sin, how I let sin affect my life, HIS GRACE IS GREATER!
I cannot out-sin His grace!
I cannot out-sin His grace!
Yes, I put it twice on purpose. It's just such an awesome statement.
Such an awesome reminder to me!
I don't know why Satan is attacking me this way. I don't know why God is allowing it. I don't know how long it's going to last. I don't know if this is a test I'm going to pass or fail.
I do know I don't have to fail. He loves me enough to give me reminders of His presence, His love, His work in my life, and His reign over all.
There is nothing in my past that is too great for my present.
There is no sin in my life too great for his grace.
GRACE GREATER THAN OUR SIN
Marvelous grace of our loving Lord,
Grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt!
Yonder on Calvary’s mount outpoured—
There where the blood of the Lamb was spilt.
Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within,
Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that is greater than all our sin!
Sin and despair, like the sea waves cold,
Threaten the soul with infinite loss;
Grace that is greater—yes, grace untold—
Points to the refuge, the mighty cross.
Dark is the stain that we cannot hide—
What can avail to wash it away?
Look! there is flowing a crimson tide—
Whiter than snow you may be today.
Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace,
Freely bestowed on all who believe!
You that are longing to see His face,
Will you this moment His grace receive?
It seems as soon as I SIT, a neon sign flashes saying 'bother mommy now.' You know, like the 'applause' sign in a studio audience.
I could't sleep last night and I almost got up and blogged, but chose not to. Maybe if I start doing it in the middle of the night, I can get more written! ;)
I've had a heavy heart this weekend, and so instead of starting at the top of my list of posts I want to write, I'm just going to start from my heart...
If you're my facebook friend, you may have noticed my status recently about how Satan brings up the past in order to tear down my present. Obviously I'm struggling with the past.
Which, surprisingly, is odd...
but not odd...
If there's anyone who knows He loves me through every situation, it's me. I've faced many different challenges from the sins of others to my own sins, and yet I've always known He loves me.
I also know I'm forgiven by Him.
I've always (as far back as I can remember anyway) had a lower opinion of myself. {let's not get into the whole 'self-esteem' is real or not real argument, k?} I've always been extremely hard on myself, pushing myself for the best, beating myself when I'm not (which is quite often), and very rarely forgiving myself, even for the slightest offense.
It got to the point a few years ago where I had to start telling myself {yes, outloud} that GOD has FORGIVEN me and that was the END. I had to refocus my thoughts onto what was honest and true (thank you Phil. 4:8). It started out as an exercise several times a day, until I was able to convince my heart that it was true.
But it is one of my many weaknesses.
...and Satan knows this...
He isn't stupid. He's not going to attack our strong points. Like any intelligent enemy, he studies and knows us and attacks at our weak points. If he can conquer us in one weak area, then he can move on to the next, and so forth and so on...
I have an ugly past. Most don't know my past, a few know some of my past, and less than that know more.
Sometimes I envy those who give their testimonies and say 'i had a great childhood, never fell into any major sins (haha, major), and lived for God my whole life.'
However, I don't stay envious long. I've learned things from and about my Heavenly Father in ways they never will. I've had experiences with Him that they never will because of the life He chose for me. Of course, they can say the same thing.
You see, He loves us all, and is ever present and working in each of us all the time in many different ways.
Thankfully, He isn't finished with me. I understand this means facing more difficulties and challenges that feel crushing at times, but because of my past and His goodness, I know without a doubt I can come out on the other side stronger and closer to Him than before.
I'm sure you're wondering then why I let past thoughts bother me. Well, it's not like I suddenly decide to think about it. Usually I avoid any and everything having to do with it. I'm not stupid. okay, sometimes I am... ;)
It isn't just thoughts. Satan brings back a person involved in my past. He brings back a tangible item that has only ever had to do with a difficult time with my life. Even 'simple' things such as updating facebook privacy settings easily reminds me of WHY I have to keep myself hidden.
Ha. I totally just laughed at the last statement. Something about the words FACEBOOK and HIDDEN just don't seem to go together! :)
My point is simply that I can keep certain people away from me and my info, which is only necessary because of my past.
Satan has been eating at my heart and mind especially the past week. I've received handwritten notes and emails that have torn my heart. I was reunited with a wonderful friend which is great, except it brought reminders as she helped carry me through an incredibly rough time in my life. I received a phone call from someone whom I had to hang up on... All in the last week.
REALLY?
I just want to know why. Does Satan think I'm due for a breakdown? Due for falling into sin? Due for falling into depression (another weakness of mine). Was I doing too good?
Ha. Yet another statement I laughed at... Please, please, don't think I'm trying to say I've been a good little Christian lately. That is far from the truth! I'm no where near where I should be in my walk with Christ! However, I've not been 'living in sin' as good Southerners say... ;)
Today I had the privilege of going to church. I was reminded all through the service of His grace, His love, His work in my life. We sang Grace Greater than Our Sin as a choir/congregation combo. Grace... what a concept!
Within the sermon, God gave me two amazing verses to cling to today: I John 4:4 and I John 5:4-5..."Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world!" and "Whoever is born of God overcomes the world! Faith is the victory!"
WOW!
He must love me in order to remind me that I AM FORGIVEN, I AM LOVED, I DONT' HAVE TO LIVE UNDER SATAN'S POWER BECAUSE MY GOD IS GREATER...
I came home to look up the history of that hymn, something I've always loved doing, and was disappointed that there really wasn't anything to say about it.
Then I thought, 'does it need an exciting background?' The words alone are amazing. No matter how much I sin, how deep I fall into sin, how I let sin affect my life, HIS GRACE IS GREATER!
I cannot out-sin His grace!
I cannot out-sin His grace!
Yes, I put it twice on purpose. It's just such an awesome statement.
Such an awesome reminder to me!
I don't know why Satan is attacking me this way. I don't know why God is allowing it. I don't know how long it's going to last. I don't know if this is a test I'm going to pass or fail.
I do know I don't have to fail. He loves me enough to give me reminders of His presence, His love, His work in my life, and His reign over all.
There is nothing in my past that is too great for my present.
There is no sin in my life too great for his grace.
GRACE GREATER THAN OUR SIN
Marvelous grace of our loving Lord,
Grace that exceeds our sin and our guilt!
Yonder on Calvary’s mount outpoured—
There where the blood of the Lamb was spilt.
Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within,
Grace, grace, God’s grace,
Grace that is greater than all our sin!
Sin and despair, like the sea waves cold,
Threaten the soul with infinite loss;
Grace that is greater—yes, grace untold—
Points to the refuge, the mighty cross.
Dark is the stain that we cannot hide—
What can avail to wash it away?
Look! there is flowing a crimson tide—
Whiter than snow you may be today.
Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace,
Freely bestowed on all who believe!
You that are longing to see His face,
Will you this moment His grace receive?
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Weight Loss Week 8 Update
This won't take long... ha.
No working out with my trainer all week AGAIN. blah. {don't worry, finally got back today... she kicked my rear. actually my arms and abs... but everything pretty much hurts and is tired...}
I did buy a Brita Water Pitcher last week and I am back to drinking filtered tap water... so nice. I DO NOT want to know what is in our water... I was told about ten years ago, but I don't remember. Good thing.
I also tweaked my eating (for the 3rd time). I cut out almost all carbs. Not all, just almost all. Definitely got rid of as much refined sugar as possible, along with HFCS (once again, not all, but as much as possible). I reserved my carbs that I did eat for times when I was going to burn more energy.
I was able to find some great deals on some organic meats and products, and enjoyed incorporating those into our meals. I couldn't believe how much BETTER I felt about SERVING organic, non-processed, whole foods to my family... I wish I could do it all the time! Perhaps someday when teachers are paid what they are worth! ;)
I increased my fruits and veggies as I cut back on carbs. This allowed me to not feel hungry and not add more calories.
I only weighed myself on Sunday for the week and didn't do measurements. Because I did not do formal workouts, I knew I didn't tighten any muscles, so my measurements would be minuscule if any.
I did lose 2 pounds this week, making my total 13 lbs. :) Less than I had wanted by this point, but still 13 pounds less than 8 weeks ago!
Plans with my trainer this week include today and Thursday. Wednesday and Friday will be cardio (on my own). That's the plan... and with 3 small children it can change any second (and thirty times before then!).
Getting my focus back... :)
No working out with my trainer all week AGAIN. blah. {don't worry, finally got back today... she kicked my rear. actually my arms and abs... but everything pretty much hurts and is tired...}
I did buy a Brita Water Pitcher last week and I am back to drinking filtered tap water... so nice. I DO NOT want to know what is in our water... I was told about ten years ago, but I don't remember. Good thing.
I also tweaked my eating (for the 3rd time). I cut out almost all carbs. Not all, just almost all. Definitely got rid of as much refined sugar as possible, along with HFCS (once again, not all, but as much as possible). I reserved my carbs that I did eat for times when I was going to burn more energy.
I was able to find some great deals on some organic meats and products, and enjoyed incorporating those into our meals. I couldn't believe how much BETTER I felt about SERVING organic, non-processed, whole foods to my family... I wish I could do it all the time! Perhaps someday when teachers are paid what they are worth! ;)
I increased my fruits and veggies as I cut back on carbs. This allowed me to not feel hungry and not add more calories.
I only weighed myself on Sunday for the week and didn't do measurements. Because I did not do formal workouts, I knew I didn't tighten any muscles, so my measurements would be minuscule if any.
I did lose 2 pounds this week, making my total 13 lbs. :) Less than I had wanted by this point, but still 13 pounds less than 8 weeks ago!
Plans with my trainer this week include today and Thursday. Wednesday and Friday will be cardio (on my own). That's the plan... and with 3 small children it can change any second (and thirty times before then!).
Getting my focus back... :)
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