rooted in anger

I was confronted with this question this morning:

What is so important to you that you would allow it to interfere with your peace of God that should be ruling your heart?


The question was preceded by this statement:

Our feelings, thoughts, and choices come from our heart, from what we really want.  So what is it that you really want?


The conversation stemmed from an issue that isn't even related to the struggles I posted about yesterday.  A totally separate issue that God felt was important enough to take my sleep away during the night.

yay.

She challenged me to think about the above question, and to pray about it.  Not a difficult request.  I ♥ prayer.  I enjoy that time with my Father.  However, as I began thinking and praying concerning only this issue, I found myself becoming increasingly angry.

ANGRY.


I spent some of the angry energy on chores (which if you know me, the fact that I'm simply awake before 8 is amazing, let alone cleaning).  I stopped praying about it and attempted to stop thinking about it.  I found my anger increasing and being taken out on the dogs (who are being STUPID this morning) and a little girl who is up way too early, way too whiny, and way too loud already.

So I made myself sit.

After exhausting the 'normal' websites I visit each morning, I got up and started another load of laundry, and found my mind pondering the question unintentionally and the anger just swelled again.

I decided I'd better sit back down.  I opened David Crowder's 'How He Loves' on youtube and just keep replaying it (which is what I did while I blogged yesterday).  Then I decided to start writing.

Probably not the smartest thing.  This means my post isn't going to be thought out, content unedited, and feelings not censored.  Maybe that's a good thing.

I have no idea why I'm so angry.  None.  Maybe if I stopped long enough to think and pray about THAT issue, I could find an answer.

But I don't want to.

{ha, that's my daughter's all time favorite phrase}

I HATE, HATE even considering the questions she challenged me with.  I feel like I could go off on a big rant about unfairness and stupidity when I know He loves me and I'm just being stupid.

So why the anger?

And what in the world do I do with it?

Face it?

nah... what could that accomplish. :P

What is it that I want?  What is so important that it is interfering with His peace in my life.  What is making me angrier than I've been in a long time?

I don't have time to deal with this...