Rooted in Love

I felt a little guilty last night for dumping myself out on my blog, but then I wondered why...  Reading it is your choice, and what I share is mine.

Also, I'm so tired of people who are struggling and feel like they need to hide it because it comes across as weakness, lack of faith or trust, or not being the Christian we're 'expected' to be.

As I thought about that last sentence, I realized in fact that it's the opposite.  When we keep our struggles in, we limit the prayer and interceding that can come from those who love us.

Instead of weakness, it shows strength... It's not easy to admit failure or struggles.

Instead of lack of faith, it shows I believe that God hears and works through His children.

Expectations?  I'm expected to strive to be more like Christ in everything I do.  Even He asked for help...

I'm not perfect, and I hope I never come across that way to anyone.

So there's my little disclaimer. ;)

Yesterday continued to be a tough day.  He allowed those questions I was presented with to linger in my mind all day.  I'm thankful He did, because it changed my attitude through the day.  I would have much rather blocked them out and kept being angry.

I met with Lydie (my trainer) ;)  yesterday morning, and worked quite a bit of anger out.  I then left the gym and discovered a beautiful, completely flat tire on my van.

I did NOT have time for a flat tire.  I had too much running around to do, some of it due to having a broken van just a week and a half ago! I limped to the nearest gas station and put air into it, and upon arriving home it was flat again.  By the time I left to take Noah to school 20 minutes later, it was dead flat...

Which meant I had to walk him to school.  Don't get me wrong, I don't mind walking, but it was 40 degrees out, and I was starting to fall behind in what I had to do for the day, as well as having to cancel Ruby's makeup gymnastics class she was supposed to be at in a few short minutes...

God gave me that extra 40 minutes of walking time to work off some more anger, and to spend time praying and thinking.  By the time I arrived home, I was spiritually exhausted.

I ended up with the realization that my anger was rooted in my discontentment.

Being content is not a new struggle for me.

As I thought through my discontentment, and thoughts of my flat tire (yeah, i know kinda odd... but they were the two main things on my mind), I realized something:

His plans are way better than any I could ever imagine.

I've always loved the verse in Jeremiah 29:11~ 'For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'

It's not a new concept.  In fact, I find myself stating it often... God's ways are better.

So if I know that, then why the discontentment?

I haven't gotten quite that far yet.  sorry.

As I continued to think on it throughout the day, I kept coming back to one simple fact: He loves me.

He loves me enough to challenge my heart.

He loves me enough to remind me of His grace.

He loves me enough to take me down paths I would not choose otherwise, so I can be more like Him.

He loves me enough to give me a flat tire, force me to change my busy plans, and not allow me to run away from difficulties.

He loves me enough to not be hurt by my anger and questions, but is patient and encouraging.

I'm not finished answering the questions posed to me yesterday, but my anger is gone.  It was replaced by the knowledge of His love for me.

I will fail, I will question, I will be discontent, but it will always end in the realization that He loves me, no matter what.