Friday, January 10, 2014

HIS Timing

I find it kind of ironic that I got on here to talk about God's timing, and my last post was about timing. I've been gone a while due to the holidays and all the craziness that comes with it, and trying to find the 'normal' again.

The last few weeks have been emotional roller coasters. Actually, I think emotional tornadoes is a better term.  Crazy emotions coming out of nowhere, completely unexpected, and leaving a trail of mess behind them.  Sometimes that mess was just pure hurt and confusion, sometimes it was tearing open something hidden that eventually turned into something good.

I don't like emotions. I don't know how to deal with them. I don't like feeling them. They make me awkward and rambling. Both of which I already am without emotions.  Throw emotions in and I'm guaranteed to do something stupid and embarrassing.

Leading up to the holiday I dread the most, God had already put people into place to pray me through. As the holiday happened and the rush and mess of the week continued, God brought others to encourage and pray me through.  This was the first Christmas in a long time I didn't completely lose my mind and even found some enjoyment in it, and I have no doubt it was because of those few close friends praying me through.

Yet I'm always amazed at how quickly I can let myself lose focus on Him and allow the sins of the world to distract me.  My pride, distrust, and simply forgetting who I am in Christ swallows me quickly and I'm blinded to the goodness He just allowed me to experience.

It's no coincidence that when I step away from the Word, my heart and mind do as well.

Right before Christmas, God and I had an incredible talk. An incredible meeting and change in my heart regarding my attitude towards music and worship.  It affected me so deeply that for days I would just thank Him for that moment and for loving me enough to chisel away at the hardened parts of my heart.

Hard to believe that two weeks later I was allowing sin take over that same heart He had just worked on. How easily I forgot that moment with Him. I'm thankful that He continued to give me little glimpses and remembrances in order to not let me be swallowed up in sin.

I know since then I've pulled away from Him. The shame and guilt cause me to go into hiding, even though that makes absolutely no sense.  As I've slowly let Him work on me and speak to me, He's using those weak moments of sin to teach me about other issues in my life and how, through Him only, I can face and overcome them.

Less than two weeks away from that low moment, He has given me an unexpected blessing that I can only thank Him for.  Through this blessing He is teaching me more about his unconditional love and forgiveness.

No matter how often I lose focus on Him, He is constantly watching, loving, caring, and protecting me.

In every single detail, He leaves His perfect mark, showing that every situation is weaved by His perfect timing.


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