A jumbled tired mess of words...

I don't really have anything interesting to say.  I'm simply avoiding getting the day started.  Just feeling kinda blah and 'eh' and a lot on my mind. My mind is a jumbled as the items in this picture (which is one of my favorite pictures lately).  I walked by this one night after the kids went to bed, and the collage of odd items in a semi-pattern just struck me.  

Okay, stop laughing at me...



My daughter is trying to make me have a heart attack at 32.  Which with my enormous size and failure to lose ANY weight lately makes a heart attack quite likely.  I love her though... maybe because she reminds me so much of myself.  Some days that is a scary thing.

My husband has been experiencing worse symptoms from his TIA last winter.  After months of bugging him to go to the new neurologist I finally gave up.  Then last week he came to me and asked me to help him get an appointment.  He finally admitted things were getting worse, and they must be for him to ask AND follow up by getting all of his records to send to the new doctor.  The neurologist he was seeing was convinced it was MS, despite several tests showing negative results for MS.  Instead of looking for another diagnosis, he still wanted to treat him for MS: painful daily treatments in the form of shots, which would cost at least $1000/month after insurance.  But MY issue was him getting treated for something he most likely doesn't have, and the real problem will continue to get worse.  I've really been praying for God to give the new doctor wisdom and concern.  He's too young to lose what he's starting to lose...

My oldest son is starting Head Start next week.  It's a HUGE deal for me, because I never thought I'd be sending my child to school.  I've always planned on homeschooling, but the offer of free speech therapy is much needed for him.  I'm still homeschooling him at home because he's academically farther ahead than the Head Start program, but I think it will be good for him in many areas.  I'm even excited about finding out things I can get involved in with other moms in my community and other programs to help him out (and possibly my daughter, who the HS teacher says may need speech too).

My youngest son is growing too quickly.  Enough said.  

I have a very dear friend having surgery in two days, and I'm scared for her.  I'm usually all about the 'surgery procedure is cool' and into the whole process for scientific reasons, but this time I wish I didn't know what I do know.  I believe this is necessary for her to have done, but I want to cry every time I think of the details. I haven't told her this and I try not to talk details with her because I want to scream 'DON'T DO IT!'.  I know she NEEDS it done and will be okay... just my very rare fear of something for someone I love. (And I'm 99% sure she doesn't read this, so I'm not worried).  I've never had something bother me so much.  I'm not trying to be self-focused either.  I know this isn't about me at all.  It's about her and that is breaking my heart because I love her so very much.  So I'm praying and clinging to my Father that He knows best and He is in 100% control of it all, and I will do whatever I can for her.

That's my jumbled up heart today.  Now to tuck it aside and get the day going...