Dear Malachi...

One year ago today, God brought you into this world.

One year ago today, I began praying for you and your family.

One year ago today, God started using you to change my life.


I don't know what caused my heart to fall in love with you.  I didn't know you from any other child born that day.  I don't even know your parents.  I was drawn to them as well, because they attended the same college I did, though several years apart.  I simply knew relatives of your parents, and upon their request to pray for you that day, you became part of my life.

The day you were born, my daughter turned 17 months old.  In the numbers of life, 17 months can seem insignificant.  But the fact that you were born on her DAY made it significant.

You see, I would always remember your anniversaries... 1 month, 2 months, etc.  which is why I can't forget today.

But the importance of the day wasn't only for my memory, it was for the lessons I was going to learn.

My daughter is a sweetheart.  She is beautiful.  She is the second born, having an older brother, and recently a younger brother.  Despite these encouraging qualities, she is also a spitfire.  She is stubborn, independent, hard headed, and some days, an all out nightmare.  She is the total opposite of her brothers...

My patience with her is tested daily, sometimes several times a day.  I love her with all my heart, but some days I just had to get away from her.

Your sweet mommy and daddy began a blog just for you, updating with words, pictures, and even videos. Every day I would check your blog, praying as needed, and when there wasn't an update, praying anyway.

My spitfire daughter started ending up in my lap during my Malachi time.  She was not a gentle child at the time, preferring to put her baby dolls in the litter box and play with the tonka trucks instead.  We had just found out we were pregnant around the time you were born, and we were genuinely worried for the new baby.

For the first time I could remember, she would just sit on my lap and look at your pictures, watch your videos, wave and chat to you and Emma, and when I wasn't checking up on you, she would ask to see you.  It became a daily routine for her too.  It also became a time I could get her to sit quietly on those days she drove me insane.  As the months went by, I'm pretty sure she loved you as much as I did.

She had genuine concern for you, knowing you were sick.  She prayed for you in her little voice, with her limited knowledge of words.  Her heart became soft when she saw you or heard about you.

God used your life to teach me to love my daughter for who He created her to be.  Not to be thankful for the health of my children (which I am daily), nor the fact that He has allowed me to have each of them with me still, but He used your life to open my eyes and love her like she is, and not look down on her or dislike her because she isn't what I thought she should be.

It was one of many lessons I learned while praying for you...

I don't know God's specific intentions in creating you with the difficulties He allowed.  I don't know why He chose for you to only be here a short time.  But I know the lives you touched and changed for His glory.

On April 20, we welcomed our third blessing into our family.  We were still nervous about how our daughter would be with him.  When she came to the hospital, she looked at him, and we saw a tenderness in her we had only seen her have with you.  She was gentle with him from the very beginning, and soon became a sweet, loving, gentle little mommy to him and her baby dolls.  We were shocked, and thankful.

When I heard of the decision to allow you to fall asleep in Jesus' arms, I was angry.  I was sad for you and your family, I was angry with God for allowing this, even angry with the decision itself, even though I didn't understand the full extent of your hardship and pain.  My heart knew what was best for you, but the thought of you being gone, caused my heart to ache.  I can't imagine the hurt your mommy and daddy were feeling...

When I heard of your passing, I cried.  I didn't understand.  I still don't.  But I know there are things of God we aren't supposed to know right now.  I have to trust Him, knowing He created you the perfect way He wanted you, so you could bring glory to Him.

Two days after you were gone, my daughter turned 2 years old.  It was a bittersweet day for me, knowing how you had impacted HER life, and how God used you to show me how to love her the way she deserved.  I don't know if she will remember you, but someday I will remind her of you and share with her how God used you in both of our lives.

Tears flow as I write this, thinking of how I have changed, all because you were born one year ago today.  I'm praising God for allowing you to be here, even though for a short time.  I'm thankful you are spending your first birthday with him, complete and pain free.

I look forward to meeting you one day, and giving you the hug I've always wanted to share.

And I'll continue to pray for your mommy and daddy, knowing they miss you tons more than I.

God is good, and His ways are perfect.  In this I trust!

With Love,
Amy and Ruby