Hearing vs. Listening

I'm having one of those frustrating times in life right now.

Things aren't bad.  In the greater scheme of life, things could be much worse.

It's more or less the point of 'seriously, what ELSE could go wrong!?!'


This past Saturday, I slipped a disc in my lower back.  If you've never done this, then you can't understand the pain.  I have an extremely high pain tolerance, and yet back pain is one of those things that actually get me!  The last time I experienced this level of pain was 6 years ago when I tore my ACL and MCL in my knee.  And I've had 3 kids since then!!

Today is the first day I've found any relief, and that would be thanks to the many drugs my doctor prescribed yesterday. ;) It's still there, but for the first time in 3 days I can actually function (which includes actually sitting at the computer!).

That is where this blog post starts...

My husband finished school on Saturday, and I've yet to see him for more than five minutes.  He worked all weekend (15+ hours per day), then got called into work both yesterday and today.  I am very thankful for his second job, and these extra hours are much needed right now (see previous post), but we had many home projects planned for this week.  We have family coming today, and many others coming on Friday for Ruby's birthday.

Forget house projects... the house isn't even CLEAN, because the kids have been running crazy the last 3 days.  Now that I'm feeling better, they will become my pick up slaves today! hehehe :)

It frustrates me to have my house a mess when someone comes, including family.

Let's keep moving... yesterday we received several bills in the mail... two of which are 'disconnect notices' as well as one 'repo' notice.  Now, we aren't that far behind, but when you've been consistently late, they tend to send those notices out a lot faster than to someone who is only late once or twice...

Did I mention we have no money to pay them at the moment?

Money was spent on my chiropractor visit, as well as my doctor visit and medications.  Normally, I rarely go to the doctor for injuries for myself, but I had to be able to function!

Then last night, my oldest child tripped on our back porch (which was on my list of projects to clean this past weekend and now makes me feel even WORSE because it didn't get done) and tore open his chin.  Off to urgent care for four stitches.  I didn't have the money for the copay, but I wasn't worried about it at the moment because they usually don't ask for it and just bill us.  Of course, last night she asked if we had a copay... I honestly wanted to LIE because I knew I couldn't pay it at that moment.  I hesitated (while she looked at me awkwardly) and then said yes, but they usually bill me.  Her response?  'oh, okay, no problem!'.  Whew...

I made it home by 11 in time to see my hubby for those 5 minutes before I loaded myself on drugs and went to bed.  Before lying down, I transfered a load from the washer to the dryer (that had sat in the washer all day) and turned it on...

Usually I'm up a lot at night, either with a kid, or just the insomnia I suffer from.  However, thanks to my meds, I was OUT.

I got up in time to kiss my hubby off to work, and he said something happened to the dryer last night.  It overheated to the point where it melted several plastic bottles sitting on and near it, and thankfully at some point had shut itself off.  It had gotten so hot, that the casing was still too hot this morning to touch without getting burnt!

My first thought was thankfulness for God's protection.  I used to worry about the dryer, and wouldn't run it at night (back when it was first new... 11 years ago), but as time went on and laundry piled up, I worried less.  Which makes me laugh since we've repaired it twice ourselves in the past 2 years... I should've been worried MORE!!

My second thought was, ARE YOU FLIPPING KIDDING ME?!?  I'm obviously behind on laundry since I haven't done anything around here for 3 days, and now that I'm finally feeling better, I can't even DO the laundry.... ARRRGGGG!!!

After my hubby left, I went back to my bed with my coffee, and started talking to God... I mean, I don't get it?!  Before Saturday I was in the Word almost every morning, or at least some point of every day.  My prayer life is wonderful... I LOVE being able to talk with my Father at anytime about anything.

You know... I thought things were good between us!

So why all the trials suddenly?  Why all the discouragement and pain and frustrations?

I almost wanted to say those dreaded three words I hate so much: "It's Not Fair!"


Here I am, doing what is 'right', and I feel like I'm being punished...

Oh, how human my heart still is...

How many times have I been at this point, and I know (well, the first few times I had to learn) that God is in these difficult times and loves me and is teaching me something through all the frustration and discouragement.

This morning, He also revealed to me something else...  Although I had a working relationship with Him before this, I was only hearing Him and not listening to Him...

My oldest child is a sweetheart and incredibly smart, but he also inherited that manly feature of hearing and not listening.  He can hear words coming out of my mouth, but he isn't paying attention to what I'm saying, which means he isn't listening.  The past year or so I've made him repeat instructions to me (which has yet to happen after saying it only once).  I want him to repeat it so I know he was listening and can now respond with the correct action or behavior.

That's where I was at with God this morning.  I've been hearing Him, but not listening to Him.  My response to Him has not been what it should be, because I wasn't paying attention to what He was saying and what He wanted from me.  I was living 'textbook' style... doing what I thought was right and would please Him, without stopping to listen to what He was actually wanting from me.

Trials come, frustrations come, but it isn't always because we're in sin and in need of correcting.  It may 'simply' mean we have only been hearing Him and yet not listening. He uses good and bad things to teach us.  He uses the easy and the difficult to help us on our journey with Him.

I prayed this morning that He would help me both listen and then follow through...

and before you think I'm too holy, I did ask that nothing else goes wrong this week... ;)